Bill Engvall
Bill Engvall
William Ray "Bill" Engvall, Jr. is an American comedian and actor best known for his work as a stand-up comic, his signature "Here's Your Sign" bit and as a member of the Blue Collar Comedy group...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth27 July 1957
CityGalveston, TX
CountryUnited States of America
funny people
It's funny: people who meet me say, 'I thought you'd be different.' But I'm still the same guy.
number woke
I can't count the number of times I've been sound asleep, woke up, and I was doing my hair.
politics religion
I don't do politics, I don't do religion, I don't do ethnic jokes.
love takes
I love stand up, but every year, the road takes a little more out of you.
bullets pull trigger
I think you can ban guns if you can just pull the trigger and 60 bullets fire out.
wall nice house
I shot me a nice deer, and I hung it on the den wall in my house. My neighbor comes over and he says, Did you shoot that thing? I said, Nope. He ran through the wall and got stuck. Here's your sign.
couple giving-up fishing
A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, Hey, y'all catch all them fish? Nope - Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign.
feelings world tvs
When you're doing stand-up, you achieve an intimacy with the audience you can't get on TV. There's not a better feeling in the entire world then when you look out and see the audience is identifying with you.
wall tiles climbs
You can't climb a tile wall.
san-francisco guy hey
I was sitting on a plane that is traveling towards Seattle. And the guy next to me turns and says to me Hey, you going to Seattle?. Nope, San Francisco... I'll be parachuting off in about an hour. Here's your sign!
brain instruction humans
The human brain doesn't come with an instruction manual.
daughter growing-up men
God, she's growing up, and I don't know when it happened, man. I used to buy her Minnie Mouse panties and little Winnie the Pooh underwear. I was helping my wife fold cloths. I picked up a pair of skimpy underwear. I looked at my wife and said: When you gonna wear these for me? She goes, I can't. They're your daughter's. Aaahh! No, no, no! There was nothing to them! The how-to-wash tag was the biggest piece of cloth on there.
good-day made said
God was havin' himself a good day when he made boobs. He must've stepped back from Eve and said, Yes ma'am! Those'll work.
iphone people invention
I just realized that with the invention of the iPhone and others you now get to see the top of people's heads.