Carol Leifer
Carol Leifer
Carol Leiferis a four-time Emmy Award-winning American comedian, writer, producer and actress whose career as a stand-up comedian started in the 1970s when she was in college. David Letterman discovered her performing in a comedy club in the 1980s and she has since been a guest on Late Night with David Letterman over twenty-five times as well as numerous other shows and venues. She has written many television scripts including for The Larry Sanders Show, Saturday Night Live and most...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionScreenwriter
Date of Birth27 July 1956
CityEast Williston, NY
CountryUnited States of America
Carol Leifer quotes about
My father was a really funny guy. He lived a good long life. And he was the reason I wanted to be funny and become a comedian and a comedy writer, so to say that he's somewhat of a mythic figure in my life would be an understatement.
Like a lot of women, I'm bisexual. Once I have sex with you - bye!
I'm sorry I didn't have this revelation earlier. I sleep better and more soundly because I'm not participating anymore.
Honestly, so much of my book is about the best things in my life have happened since I'm 40.
I suddenly had this really mad desire to have an affair with a woman. I was divorced. I was childless. I figured there's got to be one more way to really tick off my mom.
When do we put on the lingerie? Always at the beginning of the relationship - first couple of months, strutting around the bedroom wearing a teddy. Yeah, six months later, you've stopped shaving your legs and you look like a teddy.
Women, stop buying the lingerie. Stop buying it right now. Oh, it's a big rip off. Oh my god, $18 bucks for panties this big? Come on, one trip through the dryer, and it's a frilly bookmark.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Making love to a woman is like buying real estate: location, location, location.
Sex when you're married is like going to the 7-Eleven: There's not much variety, but at three in the morning, it's always there.
You know what kills me about Jennifer Lopez? The fact that this woman wakes up one day and she's like, 'You know what? From now on, I'd like people to call me J-Lo,' and then they do it. Only a celebrity can get away with this. George Bush doesn't come out for his morning press conferences: 'From now on, I'd like to be referred to as G-Bu. Y'all know my vice president, Dog Chain.
If you thought you didn't like some people on land...
Long Island - if you're from out of town, how would I describe it? Well, every girl in my neighborhood looked like Kenny G.
Growing up, it was always, 'If you buy kosher meat, they're killed humanely.' But I've seen so many horrible videos. What we thought was humane 100 years ago is not humane anymore. The ways animals suffer, I just couldn't be a part of it anymore.