Mark Twain
Mark Twain
Samuel Langhorne Clemens, better known by his pen name Mark Twain, was an American writer. Among his novels are The Adventures of Tom Sawyerand its sequel, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, the latter often called "The Great American Novel"...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionNovelist
Date of Birth30 November 1835
CountryUnited States of America
clever men ass
At 50, a man can be an ass without being an optimist but not an optimist without being an ass
clever lying blood
The Bible is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies. This Bible is built mainly out of fragments of older Bibles that had their day and crumbled to ruin. So it noticeably lacks in originality, necessarily. Its three or four most imposing and impressive events all happened in earlier Bibles; there are only two new things in it: hell, for one, and that singular heaven I have told you about.
clever law lunch
A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.
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Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?
funny clever men
What a man misses mostly in heaven is company.
life funny-inspirational clever
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
complaint complaints-and-complaining compliment courteous gentle ought precede resentment
I think a compliment ought to always precede a complaint, where one is possible, because it softens resentment and insures for the complaint a courteous and gentle reception.
awake refrain rule smoke
It has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain when awake
number remember
It isn't so astonishing the number of things that I can remember, as the number of things that I can remember that aren't so.
complete failure judgment life likely lived secret
It is not likely that any complete life has ever been lived which was not a failure in the secret judgment of the person that lived it
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Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.
fact past restored solitary worth
I said there was but one solitary thing about the past worth remembering and that was the fact that it is past - and can't be restored
benefit ourselves whose
We do no benevolences whose first benefit is not for ourselves
academy boots born capacity chance greatest happens heaven knew meet military napoleon people shining
Well, we can take you to meet Napoleon -- but he's shining the boots of the person who actually was the world's greatest military genius. He happens to have been a tinsmith from Pennsylvania who never had a chance to go to a military academy -- so he never even knew he was a great military genius. He was born with that capacity -- and only here in heaven do we actually know who these people are.