Whitney Brown
Whitney Brown
Alan Whitney Brownis an American writer and comedian best known for work on Saturday Night Live in the 1980s. In addition to writing for the program, he appeared opposite Dennis Miller in a biting satirical Weekend Update commentary segment called "The Big Picture." He won a 1988 Emmy Award for Outstanding Writing in a Variety or Music Program, along with Al Franken, Tom Davis, Phil Hartman, Mike Myers, Lorne Michaels and Conan O'Brien. He was also one of the original...
anger frustration confusion
I am as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest.
funny sarcastic hate
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
writing past history
The past actually happened. History is what someone took the time to write down.
book oxygen two
Plant trees. They give us two of the most crucial elements for our survival: oxygen and books.
funny school humor
Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.
facts pekingese jaguars
The very fact that the jaguar can become extinct while the Pekingese survives indicates to me that someone hasn't thought this thing through.
drinking men blood
Once again decent citizens will be able to enter this house of worship, kneel down in front of a nearly-naked man hanging from a wooden apparatus by a series of gruesome body piercings, and engage in their bizarre practices of ritualized blood-drinking and cannibalism without being assaulted by graphic images of attractive young women with bare breasts.
thinking water long
The Baptists' basic theology is that if you hold someone under water long enough, he'll come around to your way of thinking. It's a ritual known as 'Bobbing for Baptists.'
time minutes enjoy
Enjoy every minute. There's plenty of time to be dead.
mean thinking people
There are a billion people in China. It's not easy to be an individual in a crowd of more than a billion people. Think of it. More than a billion people. That means even if you're a one-in-a-million type of guy, there are still a thousand guys exactly like you.
laughing grace saving
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
mistake book names
Any good history book is mainly just a long list of mistakes, complete with names and dates. It's very embarrassing.
running lonely hero
Saint George killed the last dragon, and he was called a hero for it. I've never seen a dragon, and I wish he would have left at least one. Saint Patrick made a name for himself by running the snakes out of Ireland, leaving the place vulnerable to rodent infestation. This business of making saints out of men who exterminate their fellow creatures has got to stop. All I'm saying is, it's starting to get a little lonely up here at the top of the food chain.
rights giving born
I don't know if the unborn has rights, but I do know that being born again doesn't give you more rights.