Famous Quotes & Sayings

Aziz Ansari

Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on.

Brad Williams

I don't know why you'd go to a comedian and say, "You know what? You have a large menu of items, but this one thing I did not like and therefore, you should be shut down. You should cease to make a living and you should be thrown out in the streets."

Aubrey Plaza

Louis C. K. is one of my all time favorite standup comedians.

Tom Green

I considered myself a professional comedian because the club would pay me $20.

Taylor Momsen

I love comedy. If I could be a comedian - well, I probably would not take that job because it seems really hard, but I wish I could be.

Marcus Brigstocke

I'm best known as a stand-up comedian, but I'm a good actor in the right role.

Jim Carrey

Magicians are definitely more arrogant. They're kind of like "Abra Kadabra, you're an idiot," they don't let you in on the joke. Comedians, you're always in on the joke unless it's Andy Kaufman.

Hannibal Buress

When somebody mangles one of my jokes, that bothers me more than somebody saying that I'm the worst comedian ever.

Hannibal Buress

I love stand-up. I look at it as a way to always stay productive. I couldn't imagine only being an actor or a writer. Because what the hell do I do when I'm not working? Mope?

Bryan Robson

The way he's done his job is very good. This is the reward for that and I'm delighted he's signed.

Ken Schanzer

Whatever it is we're paying, ... we're delighted to be in this relationship. We want to keep going forever.

Fabio Capello

I'm delighted he has taken his total to 100. He has always been a great finisher,

Jenji Kohan

Mainly, I'm doing my thing, and I hope people like it. I don't say, 'I'm going to write something radical and hope it reverberates throughout society.' The goal is to write a solid, entertaining, engaging show.

Richard Castellini

It is a little juvenile, but it is a fun way of engaging in the brand.

Dave Bloom

The 'Wizard of Oz' is her favorite movie, and this past December, she was a part of the lullaby league in a production of the 'Wizard of Oz' in Flatwoods.

Kristin Gore

'Jitterbug Perfume' is one of my favorite books.

Debbie Garvin

What are the things I want to do for my family, myself and my favorite charity.

Karla Comfort

My favorite part is the scene from heaven.

Steven Whitney

My favorite of all the sports is football. I wasn't the starter as quarterback, but I ran the other team's offense in practice and it was nice to have all that responsibility on my shoulders. I like being the main guy.

Of all the tall tales, I think my favorite is the one about Eli Whitney and the interchangeable parts.

Bob Holthus

I'm very happy with the draw. If Lawyer Ron could win this, he'd be one of the favorites for the Kentucky Derby. It's your lifelong dream.

Ashton Bishop

This is my favorite kind of weather. I love it.

Lars Tatom

This is my favorite kind of thing to do.

Jarome Iginla

That one wasn't so funny because he got hurt.

Benjamin Disraeli

When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken.

Demetri Martin

Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.

Demetri Martin

I was in my friends garage, and he had; a kite, a yo-yo, and a boomerang. I was like "Dude, you have abandonment issues"

Damon Runyon

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

Psy

That's why 'Gangnam Style' works. If someone handsome uses that phrase it's just awkward. But if someone like me uses it, it's funny.

PewDiePie

I make funny videos of me playing video games, and I share those moments.

Maisie Williams

I haven't done Vine in a long time, and when I first started, I just did stuff that I thought was funny.

Ryan Lochte

There's people out there that are like, 'Oh my God, I want to have your kid. I want to marry you.' People that I've never even met. That's sweet. It's funny.

Paul Saffo

The problem has not been hostility to technology; the problem has been big egos.

Bill Vickroy

If we win, we would host it Saturday night at 8:30 p.m., after gymnastics.

Al Capone

Vote early and vote often.

Deon Santisteven

We did not actually get to witness the reunion.

Kate Looby

Within about two weeks, we'll have made those decisions.

Alexander Pope

I have more zeal than wit.

Donald Barthelme

HENRY: Now it is necessary to court her, and win her, and put on this clean dressing gown, and cut my various nails, and drink something that will kill the millions of germs in my mouth, and say something flattering, and be witty and bonny, and hale and kinky, all just to ease this wrinkle in the groin. It seems a high price.

Tom Stoppard

The days of the digital watch are numbered.

Tom Stoppard

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

Tina Fey

Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.

Antoine Rivarol

There is nothing so unready as readiness of wit.