Famous Quotes & Sayings

Andy Borowitz

I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.

Alberto Manguel

Not until I came to Canada did I realize that snow was a four-letter word.

Aldous Huxley

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Doug E. Fresh

I always say, 'Man, the Creator is preparing me for something. He's keeping the sun on me for some reason. He's keeping me aligned with that generation.' Because I genuinely love people, I love hip-hop, and I love using it as a tool to communicate and to create a better vibration. Life is short. I guess I'm lined up for a reason.

Dylan Moran

Don't clap I'm not a jazz band for Christ's sake.

Doug Stanhope

Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar.

Doug Stanhope

As long as the people who kinda wanna go kill other people are going to go kill other people who kinda wanna go kill other people, you're killing all the right people and opening up all the best parking spaces.

Doug Stanhope

What I've lost in years I've gained in wisdom. Bullshit, I haven't learnt one thing in the last 15 years that hasn't just depressed me more.

Doug Stanhope

I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet.

Charles Bukowski

After dinner or lunch or whatever it was -- with my crazy 12-hour night I was no longer sure what was what -- I said, "Look, baby, I'm sorry, but don't you realize that this job is driving me crazy? Look, let's give it up. Let's just lay around and make love and take walks and talk a little. Let's go to the zoo. Let's look at animals. Let's drive down and look at the ocean. It's only 45 minutes. Let's play games in the arcades. Let's go to the races, the Art Museum, the boxing matches. Let's have friends. Let's laugh. This kind of life like everybody else's kind of life: it's killing us.

Robert Bloch

I haven't had this much fun since the rats ate my baby sister

Sam Snead

Grip the club as if you were holding a baby bird.

Sufjan Stevens

An imaginary baby is so much easier than a real baby. No diapers to change.

Richie Havens

Live Aid was a baby Woodstock, a child of Woodstock, which I call Globalstock.

Tim McGraw

I may be a real bad boy, but baby I'm a real good man.

Toni Morrison

I write the way women have babies. You don't know it's going to be like that. If you did, there's no way you would go through with it.

Tina Fey

No other formula gives your baby a better start in life except that stuff that comes out of you for free.

Tina Fey

Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.

Dick Cavett

Great humorists are great insulters.