Famous Quotes & Sayings

Maisie Williams

Sometimes people think they know you and they go, 'Hey!' and then they realize that they've just seen you on the television. That's kind of funny sometimes.

Jarome Iginla

That one wasn't so funny because he got hurt.

Barbara Kingsolver

He had senile dementia and liked to go outside naked, but he could still do two things perfectly: win at checkers and write out prescriptions.

Augusten Burroughs

The Schnauzer listens to jazz. I listen to jazz because he likes it, and I have even gone to jazz concerts with him, but truthfully I would rather listen to retarded children pounding on pan lids with wooden spoons.

Aziz Ansari

I'm in a situation with this girl that's as hopeless as overthrowing the Bush administration.

Benjamin Disraeli

No man is regular in his attendance at the House of Commons until he is married.

Kenneth Branagh

It's funny to be in rooms where you were originally referred to as 'The Shakespeare Guy' and to suddenly be in the position where you're 'The Blockbuster Guy.' That's a pretty unusual turnabout, I must say.

Benjamin Disraeli

When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken.

Calvin Coolidge

I have never been hurt by what I have not said.

Daniel Woodrell

Texas humor and Southern humor are pretty similar.

Art Buchwald

People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, "I'm getting even

Elaine Stritch

The people in New York - their humor is on a level that goes, uh, very deep, you know?

Arthur Conan Doyle

We had got as far as this, when who should walk in but the gentleman himself, who had been drinking his beer in the taproom and had heard the whole conversation. Who was I? What did I want? What did I mean by asking questions? He had a fine flow of language, and his adjectives were very vigorous.

Bob Costas

Any good broadcast, not just an Olympic broadcast, should have texture to it. It should have information, should have some history, should have something that's offbeat, quirky, humorous, and where called for it, should have journalism, and judiciously it should also have commentary. That's my ideal.

Dennis Ritchie

The notion of a record is an obsolete remnant of the days of the 80-column card.

Edsger Dijkstra

PL/1, the fatal disease, belongs more to the problem set than to the solution set.

Allen Klein

When we can find some humor in our upsets, they no longer seem as large or as important as they once did.

Allen Klein

Any attempts at humor immediately after September 11th were deemed tasteless.

Jason Williams

As it stands, I have fired four rounds, killed four squirrels and been visited by four police officers. The first time, they SWAT-deployed. This is silly.

Ben Nelson

Some decisions, like opening a fire hydrant to put out a fire, are easy to make. Other decisions, like deciding how to best distribute a drought-limited water supply among urban, rural and recreational uses, require careful deliberation.

Jane Austen

You either choose this method of passing the evening because you are in each other's confidence, and have secret affairs to discuss, or because you are conscious that your figures appear to the greatest advantage in walking;— if the first, I should be completely in your way, and if the second, I can admire you much better as I sit by the fire.

Demetri Martin

If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.

Bobby Scott

There is nothing Federal about local volunteer fire departments.

Dean Kamen

To me, innovations are the wheel, fire, language, movable type. There are not 3 million innovations; there are 3 million inventions

Edmund Spenser

Rising glory occasions the greatest envy, as kindling fire the greatest smoke.

Joe Torre

Even though Ted Turner fired me back in 1984, we remain friends,

Jack Jones

With humidity as low as this, you don't watch the fire creep, you just have to get out of its way, because it is moving quickly.