Famous Quotes & Sayings

Jarome Iginla

That one wasn't so funny because he got hurt.

Benjamin Disraeli

When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken.

Demetri Martin

Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.

Demetri Martin

I was in my friends garage, and he had; a kite, a yo-yo, and a boomerang. I was like "Dude, you have abandonment issues"

Damon Runyon

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

Coco Chanel

Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; it is up to you to merit the face you have at fifty.

Bob Edwards

When Solomon said there was a time and a place for everything he had not encountered the problem of parking his automobile.

Billy Connolly

When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?

Billy Connolly

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

Al Capone

Vote early and vote often.

Donald Barthelme

HENRY: Now it is necessary to court her, and win her, and put on this clean dressing gown, and cut my various nails, and drink something that will kill the millions of germs in my mouth, and say something flattering, and be witty and bonny, and hale and kinky, all just to ease this wrinkle in the groin. It seems a high price.

Tom Stoppard

The days of the digital watch are numbered.

Tom Stoppard

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

Tina Fey

Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.

Miguel de Cervantes

Poesy is a beauteous damsel, chaste, honourable, discreet, witty, retired, and who keeps herself within the limits of propriety. She is a friend of solitude; fountains entertain her, meadows console her, woods free her from ennui, flowers delight her; in short, she gives pleasure and instruction to all with whom she communicates.

John Waters

If you think someone's trying too hard, that's the worst thing they can do. To me, it's just desperate, never funny and never witty. It's kind of really old hat because just being shocking isn't enough. It has to change how you think about something. It has to startle you. It has to make you look at something and reconsider whether you're right. That's the whole point.

John von Neumann

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

John Simm

Twitter has restored my faith in humanity. I thought I'd hate it, but while there are lots of knobheads, there are even more lovely people. It delights me how witty and friendly most people are.

Augusten Burroughs

Not crazy in a 'let's paint the kitchen bright red!' sort of way. But crazy in a 'gas oven, toothpaste sandwich, I am God' sort of way. Gone were the days when she would stand on the deck lighting lemon-scented candles without then having to eat the wax.p28

Aziz Ansari

She broke up with me. Didn't really tell me why. Luckily when you're the guy, you can just tell people she's crazy. 'Hey, Tom, I heard you and Lucy broke up.' 'Yeah, man. Turns out, she's crazy.' That's what they always do on Entourage.

Carla Bruni

It's always astounded me to have succeeded at having kids. It's crazy!

Marc Bulger

When I had the Miami (injury), I was able to go back in. But I knew after this one (against the Colts), I was unable to continue. But hopefully we'll get some good news . . . and they can shoot some crazy stuff in there, and I can come back sooner. Maybe. We'll see.

Diane Kruger

I don't want to let my life as a woman pass me by. There's a time to work, there's a time to be young and crazy, and there should be a time to enjoy motherhood. I'm actually looking forward to that.

Charles Bukowski

That was the trouble with being a writer, that was the main trouble—leisure time, excessive leisure time. You had to wait around for the buildup until you could write and while you were waiting you went crazy, and while you were going crazy you drank and the more you drank the crazier you got.

Bas Rutten

I was this kid who never sat down. Nobody liked me? Well, I'd make sure they'd like me. I was the class clown, always doing crazy stuff and causing riots.

Mike Marchand

(Dover) is going to be hot and crazy because it's new and fresh. There are always going to be lulls (in Portsmouth). Everything goes in cycles.

Mark Recchi

(Crosby's arrival) will really revitalize hockey in Pittsburgh, back to when I was fortunate enough to win back in '91. It's pretty awesome. We've got our season tickets going crazy ... it's been pretty exciting around here.