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If only one tooth aches, rejoice that not all of them ache.... If your wife betrays you, be glad that she betrayed only you and not the nation. Anton Chekhov
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I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway. 
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Wouldn't it be nice to be like men, just getting notches in your belt, having affairs with the most atttractive men . . . and not getting emotionally involved. Marilyn Monroe
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Always be prepared if someone asks you what you want for Christmas. Give brand names, the store that sells the merchandise, and, if possible, exact model numbers so they can't go wrong. Be the type who's impossible to buy for, so they have to get what you want. John Waters
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If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is ""God is crying."" And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is ""Probably because of something you did.
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The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I've hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?