Famous Quotes & Sayings

David Pierce

Kelsey Grammer is wickedly funny. He's like an 8-year-old child. He's always doing pranks, and we have a great time.

Rob McKittrick

He is that guy in the movie. He is that funny guy who can get in your grill, and be funny about it. He's a lot more interesting in person than you usually see on the screen.

Trevor Noah

Most of my show is true; like, 90% of everything I say on stage is true. I just have to find the way to make it funny - that's the difficult thing.

Taylor Hawkins

Life is funny. If you don't laugh, you're in trouble.

Shaquille O'Neal

Every time I do something silly, it comes off really funny because it's natural.

Maddie Ziegler

I think it's funny when people, they try to imitate the 'Chandelier' video. I think it's hilarious.

Seth Rogen

I think when you do comedy, you play by a different set of rules. No one really wants you to be in that good shape. Being in good shape implies a level of vanity that isn't necessarily funny.

Quentin Crisp

Life was a funny thing that occurred on the way to the grave

Katie Holmes

I watched a porno once, it was really funny.

Umberto Eco

A transposable aphorism is a malaise of the urge to be witty, or in other words, a maxim that is untroubled by the fact that the opposite of what it says is equally true so long as it appears to be funny.

Truman Capote

The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it.

Virginia Woolf

The history of most women is hidden either by silence, or by flourishes and ornaments that amount to silence.

Woody Allen

Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds.

Woody Allen

What if the worst is true? What if there's no God, and you only go around once, and that's it? Don't you want to be a part of the experience? You know, what the hell? It's not all a drag, and I'm thinking to myself: Geez! I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get and just enjoy it while it lasts. And, you know, after-who knows? Maybe there is something, nobody really knows. I know that maybe is a very slim reed to hang your whole life on, but that's the best we have.

Woody Allen

I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.

Woody Allen

Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka.

Woody Allen

This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brother’s crazy. He thinks he’s a chicken. The doctor says, Well, why don’t you turn him in? And the guy says, I would but I need the eggs. Well I guess that’s pretty much how I feel about relationships. You know they’re totally irrational and crazy and absurd but I guess we keep going through it because, uh, most of us need the eggs.

Woody Allen

Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with.

John Cornyn

I think you'll probably see not only his erudition, but his sense of humor.

Greg Evans

Laugh at yourself once in a while; give yourself a break.

Woody Allen

At the trial Stubbs chose to act as his own lawyer, but a conflict over his fee led to ill feelings.

Woody Allen

Should I marry W.? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name.

William F. Buckley, Jr.

I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob.

Wayne Dyer

I am realistic – I expect miracles.

Samuel Goldwyn

Coffee isn't my cup of tea.

W. C. Fields

Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)

Yakov Smirnoff

In Russia, if a male athelete loses he becomes a female athelete.