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funny mom brother
When I finished high school, I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle. Anthony Jeselnik
funny technology people
I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one. Andy Borowitz
funny stupid men
Men know everything - all of them - all the time - no matter how stupid or inexperienced or arrogant or ignorant they are. Andrea Dworkin
funny dog people
The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. Alphonse de Lamartine
funny humor snow
Not until I came to Canada did I realize that snow was a four-letter word. Alberto Manguel
funny stupid science
The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency. Albert Einstein
funny motivational inspiring
Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves.
funny hilarious education
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
funny football distance
Cole should be scoring from those distances, but I'm not going to single him out. Alex Ferguson
done checks alone-time
I spend a lot of time alone so I get a lot done. I don't do much else but work, check things out. Henry Rollins
done wells ifs
If something can be done 80% as well by someone else, delegate! John C. Maxwell
done imitation realistic
Imitation, if it is not forgery, is a fine thing. It stems from a generous impulse, and a realistic sense of what can and cannot be done. James Fenton
done true-success
True success is what you have done compared to what you could have done. Myles Munroe
done television want
My first Top of the Pops I didn't want to do. I was terrified. I'd never done television before. Seeing the video afterwards was like watching myself die. Kate Bush
done concerned
As far as I'm concerned, Twitter has wiped out Facebook. I'm done with Facebook. Kevin O'Leary
done want poverty
It's an objective fact, that if you want to solve some of these huge, kind of bigger problems of extreme poverty, you have to include the women. They're the ones who will get it done. Matt Damon
done reason theater
The reason I was in most of the movies I've done is that they paid for me to be in the theater. Nathan Lane
done weapons needs
If we do our deficit spending on weapons, at least we get weapons. Then if we need weapons, we have them. If we don't need them, no harm is done. P. J. O'Rourke