Famous Quotes & Sayings

Jarome Iginla

That one wasn't so funny because he got hurt.

Benjamin Disraeli

When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken.

Demetri Martin

Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.

Demetri Martin

I was in my friends garage, and he had; a kite, a yo-yo, and a boomerang. I was like "Dude, you have abandonment issues"

Damon Runyon

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

Psy

That's why 'Gangnam Style' works. If someone handsome uses that phrase it's just awkward. But if someone like me uses it, it's funny.

PewDiePie

I make funny videos of me playing video games, and I share those moments.

Maisie Williams

I haven't done Vine in a long time, and when I first started, I just did stuff that I thought was funny.

Ryan Lochte

There's people out there that are like, 'Oh my God, I want to have your kid. I want to marry you.' People that I've never even met. That's sweet. It's funny.

Barry White

I quit high school on my birthday. It was my senior year and I didn't see the point. This was 1962, and I was ready to make music.

Susan B. Anthony

The older I get, the greater power I seem to have to help the world; I am like a snowball - the further I am rolled the more I gain.

Paul Simon

Yesterday, it was my birthday I hung one more year on the line I should be depressed My life's a mess But I'm Having A Good Time...

Ann Brashares

Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday.

Susan Smith

Today we send a special wish which comes with love to you, to wish you a day of love and laughter in all you do.

Eminem

The kids are old enough now - I just want to let them be kids. I don't want to comment on them too much. They're at an age where I just want to let them be kids.

W. H. Auden

The class distinctions proper to a democratic society are not those of rank or money, still less, as is apt to happen when these are abandoned, of race, but of age.

Stella Young

I once choked on a chip at a friend's birthday when I was seven and had to be sent home, as I'd broken my collarbone coughing.

Romola Garai

If you are an actress in L.A., on your 40th birthday they should just hand you the keys to the lunatic asylum.

Al Capone

Vote early and vote often.

Donald Barthelme

HENRY: Now it is necessary to court her, and win her, and put on this clean dressing gown, and cut my various nails, and drink something that will kill the millions of germs in my mouth, and say something flattering, and be witty and bonny, and hale and kinky, all just to ease this wrinkle in the groin. It seems a high price.

Tom Stoppard

The days of the digital watch are numbered.

Tom Stoppard

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

Tina Fey

Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.

H. L. Mencken

Criticism is prejudice made plausible.

Irvin S. Cobb

A woman may have a witty tongue or a stinging pen but she will never laugh at her own individual shortcomings.

Gloria Steinem

It doesn't matter where we begin the personal/political circle, but it matters desperately that we complete it.

Harry S Truman

I remember when I first came to Washington. For the first six months you wonder how the hell you ever got here. For the next six months you wonder how the hell the rest of them ever got here.