Related Quotes
funny new-york divorce
Adultery - which is the only grounds for divorce in New York - is not grounds for divorce in California. As a matter of fact, adultery in Southern California is grounds for marriage. Allan Sherman
funny girlfriend humor
My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces. Anthony Jeselnik
funny humor kids
Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital.
funny wall cancer
Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.
funny jesus humor
Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
funny girlfriend couple
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
funny mom couple
My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch "Schindler's List." And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can't believe it only happened once.
funny baby pain
You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub... and you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby.
funny dad father
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
food character order
America is a land of healthy appetites. It is not in the American character to live in order to eat. Rather, the reverse is true. Many try, but just as Americans don't make good gigolos, nether do they make good gourmets. Ludwig Bemelmans
food habitat ideal natural shelter sustain water
This habitat is ideal for them. There's enough food, shelter and water to sustain a natural population. Tim Conway
food
Where's my food? When is it coming? What did I order, anyway? Lawrence Tierney
food house impart matched slow smells spread warmth
The smells of slow cooking spread around the house and impart a unique warmth matched only by the flavour of the food. Yotam Ottolenghi
food
I don't like French food. I like everything but French food. Emmanuelle Seigner
food teaching blind
An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed. A. J. Liebling
food plentiful rationing supply sweets time
In the 1950s, as food rationing ended, I remember a plentiful supply of sweets for the first time. Robert Powell
food particular
I don't avoid any particular food. But I don't eat too much. Robert Budi Hartono
food decision tables
Food was celebration, conversation, and nourishment. The table is where the big decisions of the family are made and all the arguing takes place. Adriana Trigiani
coffee drink good healthy lead lots water wine
I drink lots of water and lead a healthy lifestyle. No coffee, no smoking, only a little wine and a very good diet. Susan Hampshire
coffee dictate eldest feet letters people red sofa table velvet
I always write back to people who are kind enough to write to me. Actually, I don't write - I recline on my red velvet sofa with my feet on the coffee table and dictate the letters to my eldest son. Sue Townsend
coffee drug type
"Drugs" are not necessarily narcotics. The narcotic is one type of drug and coffee is a drug... booze is a drug... many drugs.... They're all around us. Hunter S. Thompson
coffee years racism
A few years ago, (Barack Obama) would have been getting us coffee. William J. Clinton
coffee
Oh my God, that is the best coffee I've ever tasted. Walter White
coffee men drink
I've always said, I like my coffee like I like my men... I don't drink coffee. Ellen DeGeneres
coffee david work
David said. ''You have to have the coffee because you're going back to work after having the wine.
coffee talking
Talking to Joel, you don't need coffee. It's exciting.
coffee ride short
It's great. They had coffee and muffins, and it's just a short ride to the resort.