Ambrose Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
Ambrose Gwinnett Biercewas an American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist, and satirist. He wrote the short story "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" and compiled a satirical lexicon, The Devil's Dictionary. His vehemence as a critic, his motto "Nothing matters", and the sardonic view of human nature that informed his work, all earned him the nickname "Bitter Bierce"...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionNovelist
Date of Birth24 June 1842
CityMeighs County, OH
CountryUnited States of America
Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
PILGRIM, n. A traveler that is taken seriously. A Pilgrim Father was one who [was] not permitted to sing psalms through his nose [in Europe], followed it to Massachusetts, where he could personate God according to the dictates of his conscience.
OATH, n. In law, a solemn appeal to the Deity, made binding upon the conscience by a penalty for perjury.
EXHORT, v.t. In religious affairs, to put the conscience of another upon the spit and roast it to a nut-brown discomfort.
PRICE, n. Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it.
Truth - An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.
RITUALISM, n. A Dutch Garden of God where He may walk in rectilinear freedom, keeping off the grass.
THEOSOPHY, n. An ancient faith having all the certitude of religion and all the mystery of science.
OYSTER, n. A slimy, gobby shellfish which civilization gives men the hardihood to eat without removing its entrails! The shells are sometimes given to the poor.
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes to be considered wrong, wicked, immoral.
INTENTION, n. The mind's sense of the prevalence of one set of influences over another set; an effect whose cause is the imminence, immediate or remote, of the performance of an involuntary act.
DEGRADATION, n. One of the stages of moral and social progress from private station to political preferment.
CALUMNUS, n. A graduate of the School for Scandal.
MUGWUMP, n. In politics one afflicted with self-respect and addicted to the vice of independence. A term of contempt.