Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinnett Biercewas an American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist, and satirist. He wrote the short story "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" and compiled a satirical lexicon, The Devil's Dictionary. His vehemence as a critic, his motto "Nothing matters", and the sardonic view of human nature that informed his work, all earned him the nickname "Bitter Bierce"...
curable influences insanity love marriage patient removal temporary
Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder.
although bone doubt neither nor qualities skin truth wisdom work
REVIEW, v.t.To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it, Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it) At work upon a book, and so read out of it The qualities that you have first read into it.
name rich
GOUT, n. A physician's name for the rheumatism of a rich patient.
assist
OPPOSE, v. To assist with obstructions and objections.
attorney calls consciousness contribute damages disclose ear herbert inspired interest otherwise respond satan spencer touch
RESPOND, v.i. To make answer, or disclose otherwise a consciousness of having inspired an interest in what Herbert Spencer calls ""external coexistences,"" as Satan ""squat like a toad"" at the ear of Eve, responded to the touch of the angel's spear. To respond in damages is to contribute to the maintenance of the plaintiff's attorney and, incidentally, to the gratification of the plaintiff.
blown ceremony divine dynamite investing outward signs sovereign visible
CORONATION, n. The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and visible signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite bomb.
advance against army army-and-navy emotions generating king replied tactics
OFFENSIVE, adj. Generating disagreeable emotions or sensations, as the advance of an army against its enemy."Were the enemy's tactics offensive?" the king asked. "I should say so!" replied the unsuccessful general. "The blackguard wouldn't come out of his works!
created image nose
BOTTLE-NOSED, adj. Having a nose created in the image of its maker.
hope retaining skin
LITIGANT, n. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
days eat fish jolly point salmon
ARCHBISHOP, n. An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.If I were a jolly archbishop, On Fridays I'd eat all the fish up -- Salmon and flounders and smelts; On other days everything else. --Jodo Rem
country thinks
IMMIGRANT, n. An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another.
attachment creature expedient form fresh shell turtle
APOSTATE, n. A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle.
according begins heaven lies lives lying period soon
INFANCY, n. The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, "Heaven lies about us." The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
achieves glorious lowly mediocrity virtue
A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves a glorious success.