Bill Engvall
Bill Engvall
William Ray "Bill" Engvall, Jr. is an American comedian and actor best known for his work as a stand-up comic, his signature "Here's Your Sign" bit and as a member of the Blue Collar Comedy group...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth27 July 1957
CityGalveston, TX
CountryUnited States of America
funny people
It's funny: people who meet me say, 'I thought you'd be different.' But I'm still the same guy.
number woke
I can't count the number of times I've been sound asleep, woke up, and I was doing my hair.
politics religion
I don't do politics, I don't do religion, I don't do ethnic jokes.
people
I have fun on stage, so people think maybe they should, too.
love takes
I love stand up, but every year, the road takes a little more out of you.
bullets pull trigger
I think you can ban guns if you can just pull the trigger and 60 bullets fire out.
mom stupid kids
I want you to think back to when you were a kid. Remember the day you learned you could burn ants with a magnifying glass? Oh, what a great day that was! You got to be God. You decided who lived, who died. I must've burned ants for an hour, just laughing. Then I saw one on my arm. Let me tell you something, when you burn yourself with a magnifying glass, you're on your own. You can't even tell your mom, because she gives that face, Oh, he is that stupid.
wall nice house
I shot me a nice deer, and I hung it on the den wall in my house. My neighbor comes over and he says, Did you shoot that thing? I said, Nope. He ran through the wall and got stuck. Here's your sign.
couple giving-up fishing
A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, Hey, y'all catch all them fish? Nope - Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign.
feelings world tvs
When you're doing stand-up, you achieve an intimacy with the audience you can't get on TV. There's not a better feeling in the entire world then when you look out and see the audience is identifying with you.
wall tiles climbs
You can't climb a tile wall.
teacher school kids
I've come up with the three things you never want to hear at your kid's parent/teacher conference. Number one: 'You're only responsible for the first $10,000 worth of damage.' Number two: 'We have medication for this.' And number three: 'It was more than an ounce and he was less than a hundred yards from the school.'
san-francisco guy hey
I was sitting on a plane that is traveling towards Seattle. And the guy next to me turns and says to me Hey, you going to Seattle?. Nope, San Francisco... I'll be parachuting off in about an hour. Here's your sign!
two people hippo
I know at least two people who have never been killed by hippos.