Carol Leifer
Carol Leifer
Carol Leiferis a four-time Emmy Award-winning American comedian, writer, producer and actress whose career as a stand-up comedian started in the 1970s when she was in college. David Letterman discovered her performing in a comedy club in the 1980s and she has since been a guest on Late Night with David Letterman over twenty-five times as well as numerous other shows and venues. She has written many television scripts including for The Larry Sanders Show, Saturday Night Live and most...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionScreenwriter
Date of Birth27 July 1956
CityEast Williston, NY
CountryUnited States of America
Like a lot of women, I'm bisexual. Once I have sex with you - bye!
My father was a really funny guy. He lived a good long life. And he was the reason I wanted to be funny and become a comedian and a comedy writer, so to say that he's somewhat of a mythic figure in my life would be an understatement.
Long Island - if you're from out of town, how would I describe it? Well, every girl in my neighborhood looked like Kenny G.
I was over there in Hawaii. I was there on the big island. The 'Big Island' - that name cracks me up. First of all, it's not that big, so I'm pretty sure a guy came up with that name.
You know what kills me about Jennifer Lopez? The fact that this woman wakes up one day and she's like, 'You know what? From now on, I'd like people to call me J-Lo,' and then they do it. Only a celebrity can get away with this. George Bush doesn't come out for his morning press conferences: 'From now on, I'd like to be referred to as G-Bu. Y'all know my vice president, Dog Chain.
Obviously, at this age, I've lost people in my life. But with a parent, it's just different. I was very attached to my father and had this naive little-girl notion that he'd always be around. So I'm finding acceptance of my father's death is the hardest thing to accept.
Some people have their marriages annulled, which means they never existed. Boy, talk about denial! What do you say when people see your wedding album? 'Oh that was just some play I was in.
When you lie about your age, the terrorists win.
Sex when you're married is like going to the 7-Eleven: There's not much variety, but at three in the morning, it's always there.
Making love to a woman is like buying real estate: location, location, location.
When do we put on the lingerie? Always at the beginning of the relationship - first couple of months, strutting around the bedroom wearing a teddy. Yeah, six months later, you've stopped shaving your legs and you look like a teddy.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
I suddenly had this really mad desire to have an affair with a woman. I was divorced. I was childless. I figured there's got to be one more way to really tick off my mom.
My kind of gay is like the late-breaking-lesbian kind of gay.