Dane Cook
Dane Cook
Dane Jeffrey Cookis an American stand-up comedian and film actor. He has released five comedy albums: Harmful If Swallowed; Retaliation; Vicious Circle; Rough Around The Edges: Live From Madison Square Garden; and Isolated Incident. In 2006, Retaliation became the highest charting comedy album in 28 years and went platinum. He performed an HBO special in the Fall of 2006, Vicious Circle, a straight-to-DVD special titled Rough Around The Edges, and a Comedy Central special in 2009 titled Isolated Incident. He...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth18 March 1972
CityCambridge, MA
CountryUnited States of America
Dane Cook quotes about
True love is when you're cheating on a person but the thought of them still makes your eyes smile!
If you lie to a person at least tell someone else you've lied to the truth. It balances out your karma.
If you lie to a person at least tell someone else you've lied to the truth. It balances out your karma.
My favorite sexual position is when the girl is facing Mecca and I am fighting off a wolf.
You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.
I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.
You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never lie to you or cheat on you.
You can't become tempted if you just give in a little quicker.
You must accept responsibility for your actions. This doesn't include reactions, interactions or transactions if you're thinkin' loophole.
I was home educated but would skip my lessons to go hang out at school.
I'm willing to write a check for $10,000 if someone can bring to me what I fell is ruining thousands of lives, destroying lives everyday. And I know that you know it's a little thing called Chupacabra.
I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles.
I can't relate to the idea of suicide. I guess I'm just one of those people that is always optimistic and upbeat. But one day, I sat down. I said 'You know what? Just to kind of purge myself, I want to see what its like to feel that low'. So I decided to write a suicide note. Yeah, just to kinda flush it out there and put it on a page. And I started to do this, and I had an epiphany. I'll share this with you: a suicide note that is written by somebody that is not suicidal is called an autobiography. I am on Chapter 58.
I'm in a new club, by the way. And I don't know if you're first timers like I am, but I'm in the 'I Just Dropped My Cell Phone In My Own Piss' Club. Have you done that? Yeah, good times. I'm on the phone and I forget that I'm using shoulder technique. Urinals were taken so I went in to use the regular john. And as I'm standing there, mid-conversation, I'm like 'Are you serious?' and it just started to toboggan right down my powerful chest.