Dave Barry
Dave Barry
David McAlister "Dave" Barryis a Pulitzer Prize winning American author and columnist, who wrote a nationally syndicated humor column for the Miami Herald from 1983 to 2005. He has also written numerous books of humor and parody, as well as comedic novels...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionJournalist
Date of Birth3 July 1947
CityArmonk, NY
CountryUnited States of America
hate car pits
I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.
sports trying literature
Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?
funny hilarious women
Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.
black ships peter
That is the Wasp, yes. But it was captured by Black Stache, and he’s coming for this ship now.” “And how do you know that?” asked Slank. “Did a seagull tell you?” This brought chuckles from the crew. Something like that, thought Peter.
thinking
He could even think about how fast he was thinking about things.
science animal mph
Scientists tell us that the fastest animal in the world, with a speed of 120 mph, is a cow dropped out of a helicopter.
funny humor men
I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet, so I took his shoes.
men hair people
Headbangers' are people who like heavy-metal music, which is performed by skinny men with huge hair who stomp around the stage, striking their instruments and shrieking angrily, apparently because somebody has stolen all their shirts.
forget
We don't shoot somebody soon, I'm gonna forget how
dog shots
maybe somebody finally shot the dog.
light long darkness
...light overcomes darkenss. A tiny match can illuminate the darkest room. As long as there is some light somewhere in the universe, [darkness] can be defeated.
freedom democracy
Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told.
government presidential trying
Most of the presidential candidates' economic packages involve 'tax breaks,' which is when the government, amid great fanfare, generously decides not to take quite so much of your income. In other words, these candidates are trying to buy your votes with your own money.
science judging hammers
What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth ? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad.