Jackie Mason
Jackie Mason
Jackie Mason is an American stand-up comedian and film and television actor. He is ranked #63 on Comedy Central's 100 greatest stand-up comedians of all-time...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth9 June 1931
CitySheboygan, WI
CountryUnited States of America
money love-is world-love
Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
grandfather one-day watches
My grandfather always said, Don't watch your money, watch your health. So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.
father successful window
My father was a very successful businessman, but he was ruined in the stock market crash. A big stockbroker jumped out the window and fell on his pushcart.
kids wanted accountants
Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?
hands europe cake
When most people return from Europe, they tell tales of all the sites they saw, the shopping, the entertainment, etc. Jews, on the other hand, return and say I had this slice of cake in Austria, let me tell you, I don't know how they make it! It was great!
hate half remember
I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why!
italian half stealing
I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it!
land jerusalem entitled
Everybody knows we're entitled to one Jerusalem. History reveals very simply that this is our land from the days of the Bible.
two kitchen sushi
Did you know that the Jews invented sushi? That's right - two Jews bought a restaurant with no kitchen.
marriage funny-love cheating
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
names personality use
The pamphlet uses my name, my likeness, my 'shtick' (if you will), and my very act, which is derived from my personality, to attract attention and converts.
want illness queries
It's not a query of staying wholesome. It's a query of discovering a illness you want.
drug want mouths
Would you put a pastrami in your mouth if you didn't want to eat it?
honesty decency
Honesty is nothin' compared to decency.