Jackie Mason
Jackie Mason
Jackie Mason is an American stand-up comedian and film and television actor. He is ranked #63 on Comedy Central's 100 greatest stand-up comedians of all-time...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth9 June 1931
CitySheboygan, WI
CountryUnited States of America
drug want mouths
Would you put a pastrami in your mouth if you didn't want to eat it?
want illness queries
It's not a query of staying wholesome. It's a query of discovering a illness you want.
men want rooms
Why is it that they have Bibles in every motel room? Why should a man want to read the Bible when he's with a woman alone in a motel room? Why would he be interested? Whatever he's praying for, he's already got!
kids wanted accountants
Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?
decided
We were going to do it before the hurricane, but decided to wait,
differences stories tables
My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience knows they aren't getting any old stories from me.
humility men self
By these things examine thyself. By whose rules am I acting; in whose name; in whose strength; in whose glory? What faith, humility, self-denial, and love of God and to man have there been in all my actions?
comedy study calculations
My comedy doesn't come from any calculations and studies.
honesty decency
Honesty is nothin' compared to decency.
heart laughing my-heart
I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs.
wife laughing approval
A Jew never laughs without looking at his wife for approval.
writing night talking
I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, I am writing new jokes every day and soon Ill be telling them every night. Just me, one Jew talking and that's it.
home clothes car
Jews are the best dressers in the world. They buy the best clothes, the best homes, the best cars. The best of everything. The only thing is, they get it for less.
christian practice people
While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian faith, the fact is, as everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami.