Jackie Mason
Jackie Mason
Jackie Mason is an American stand-up comedian and film and television actor. He is ranked #63 on Comedy Central's 100 greatest stand-up comedians of all-time...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth9 June 1931
CitySheboygan, WI
CountryUnited States of America
two kitchen sushi
Did you know that the Jews invented sushi? That's right - two Jews bought a restaurant with no kitchen.
death suicide support
It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.
marriage funny-love cheating
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
names personality use
The pamphlet uses my name, my likeness, my 'shtick' (if you will), and my very act, which is derived from my personality, to attract attention and converts.
want illness queries
It's not a query of staying wholesome. It's a query of discovering a illness you want.
football player thinking
They call it football, but the object of the game is to bash the other guy so hard that he's eventually carried off the field on a stretcher. I can't watch football anymore. My psychiatrist said it's better that way. I used to watch a game, see the players in a huddle - and think they were talking about me.
christian practice people
While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian faith, the fact is, as everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami.
home clothes car
Jews are the best dressers in the world. They buy the best clothes, the best homes, the best cars. The best of everything. The only thing is, they get it for less.
sex years important
I always thought music was more important than sex—then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me.
heart laughing my-heart
I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs.
drug want mouths
Would you put a pastrami in your mouth if you didn't want to eat it?
honesty decency
Honesty is nothin' compared to decency.
humility men self
By these things examine thyself. By whose rules am I acting; in whose name; in whose strength; in whose glory? What faith, humility, self-denial, and love of God and to man have there been in all my actions?
differences stories tables
My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience knows they aren't getting any old stories from me.