Jim Norton
Jim Norton
funny humor cracks
I hope you slip in a puddle of AIDS and crack your head open
funny new-year hate
God, do I hate my little fat tits. You ever pinch your little meat tits and wish you were dead? You ever just stand naked in the mirror. "You little fat-titted mediocre failure!" You ever do that for 3 hours on New Year's Eve.
funny running humor
I had a three year relationship end. Ever have somebody just freak out on you in a relationship? Things are going great. After three years she wants to run out and find a guy that doesn't hit her.
badass guy couscous
You really are a badass, edgy guy who tells it like it is...about couscous.
funny humor hug
I'd rather hug Magic Johnson after he rolled around in barbed wire.
funny humor aids
I had AIDS, but I beat it with Advil.
funny sex humor
You have the sex appeal of Norman Fell.
funny humor periods
No periods. If you sneeze, the carpet's ruined.
funny humor college
What a coincidence, they both go to College and I'm a rapist!
funny grateful humor
You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living.
funny hate humor
I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids.
mean voice people
When it comes to stand-up, people feel this need to voice their objection through groaning or being offended. It's really irritating... I mean I love what I do, but that's the irritating side of it.
real penn-state helping
From now on, anyone raped at Penn State should just tell Joe Paterno's statue. It couldn't help you any less than the real Joe would have.
funny humor picnics
I hope you accidentally drink leukemia at a picnic.