Les Dawson
Les Dawson
Leslie "Les" Dawson, Jr. was an English comedian, actor, writer, and presenter, who is best remembered for deadpan style, curmudgeonly persona and jokes about his mother-in-law and wife...
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth2 February 1931
sexy funny-sex found-objects
My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.
stars moon night
I was sat at the bottom of the garden a week ago, smoking a reflective cheroot, thinking about this and that - mostly that, and I just happened to glance at the night sky and I marvelled at the millions of stars glistening like pieces of quicksilver thrown carelessly onto black velvet. In awe I watched the waxen moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an amber chariot towards the void of infinite space wherein the tethered bolts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever in their orbital majesty; and as I looked at all this, I thought, 'I must put a roof on this lavatory.
christmas mother running
My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.
sleep doctors wife
I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.
love-is giving needs
I need to give affection and love, because without that, I wither. I need to give that love to someone. Without that, I'm rudderless.
names linked knows
I know my name will always be linked with women.
personal-things
How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.
salt dictionary lad
My lad chewed and swallowed a dictionary. We gave him Epsom salts - but we can't get a word out of him.
slumps bother
Slumps don't bother me.
teacher school nerves
I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.
wife ugly horror
Take my wife... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.
rising way lasts
The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week.
shields red faces
I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum.
marriage couple sex-maniac
Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finishes up.