Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg
Mitchell Lee "Mitch" Hedberg was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and unconventional comedic delivery. His comedy typically featured short, sometimes one-line jokes mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth24 February 1968
CitySaint Paul, MN
CountryUnited States of America
palm wrote
I had my palm read. I wrote something on it first, to see if she would read that too.
target tried walking
I tried walking into a Target , but I missed.
candle store
I went to the store to bye a candle holder. They didn't have one so I got a cake.
banana green hell hold light means red traffic yellow
On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the hell did you get that banana at...
animals band beings human lead people second singer
I went to see a band in New York. The lead singer got on the microphone, and he said How many of you people feel like human beings tonight? Then he said How many of you feel like animals? And everyone cheered after the animals part. But the thing is, I cheered after the human being part because I did not know that there was a second part to the question.
anniversary asking company fifth five insurance interview job lady question year
I had a job interview at an insurance company once and the lady said "Where do you see yourself in five years?" and i said "Celebrating the fifth year anniversary of you asking me this question
mcdonalds want rebellious
I want to be a rebellious McDonald's owner. Cheeseburgers... NOPE... we got spaghetti!
kings bed knows
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
drs peppers degrees
Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn't even get his degree.
funny crazy humor
You know crazy straws - they go all over the place? These straws are sane. They never lost their mind. They say, "we're going straight to the mouth. That guy who takes a while to get there? He's crazy."
funny real humor
I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real big.
funny sports humor
One time I was forced to go to the doctors because of a sports accident. Herpes.
funny girl zero
I met the girl who works at the Doubletree front desk, she gave me her number. It's ZERO. I tried to call from here, some other woman answered. "You sound older!"
funny humor night
So, I sit at the hotel at night and I think of something that's funny. Or, If the pen is too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of wasn't funny.