Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Ada Driver, better known as Phyllis Diller, was an American stand-up comedian, actress, singer, dancer, and voice artist, best known for her eccentric stage persona, her self-deprecating humor, her wild hair and clothes, and her exaggerated, cackling laugh...
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth17 July 1917
CityLima, OH
cleaning growing house kids sidewalk stops
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing
phases tables dinner
I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
measurement records phonograph
They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
compliments-you shoes barefoot
You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
bad-breath breaths ifs
... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
sloth pills laziness
Once Fang took pep pills and they worked - the only time he ever ran to bed.
offending about-yourself
You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.
splits firsts spirit
Life began on this planet when the first amoeba split. Mankind will still be seeking God, not accepting that God is a spirit; can't see it, touch it, only feel it. It's called LOVE.