S. J. Perelman
S. J. Perelman
Sidney Joseph Perelman, known as S. J. Perelman, was an American humorist, author, and screenwriter. He is best known for his humorous short pieces written over many years for The New Yorker. He also wrote for several other magazines, including Judge, as well as books, scripts, and screenplays. Perelman received an Academy Award for screenwriting in 1956...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionScreenwriter
Date of Birth1 February 1904
CountryUnited States of America
knows ifs
I don't know where we're going or how we'll get there, but when we get there we'll be there - and that's something, even if it's nothing.
travel adventure may
If travel has taught me nothing more, and it certainly has, it's this: you never know when some trifling incident, utterly without significance, may pitchfork you into adventure or, by the same token, may not.
trying criticism fiction
I cannot recall a more engaging passage in fiction, and I've been trying for almost eighteen seconds.
age trying roosters
We old roosters must be cautious. Don't try to outwit your arteries.
fate deck bottom
Fate was dealing from the bottom of the deck.
maturity squash tomatoes
Tomatoes and squash never fail to reach maturity. You can spray them with acid, beat them with sticks and burn them; they love it.
sympathy lips bits
He bit his lip in a manner which immediately awakened my maternal sympathy, and I helped him bite it.
personality facts
The fact is that all of us have only one personality, and we wring it out like a dishtowel. You are what you are.
opposites two ponies
Only the scenario writers are exempt. These are tied between the tails of two spirited Caucasian ponies, which are then driven off in opposite directions. This custom is called a conference.
home aquariums water
There is something about a home aquarium which sets my teeth on edge the moment I see it. Why anyone would want to live with a small container of stagnant water populated by a half-dead guppy is beyond me.
cities wife fool
A farm is an irregular patch of nettles bounded by short-term notes, containing a fool and his wife who didn’t know enough to stay in the city.
new-york hollywood pariahs
The worst disgrace that can befall a producer is an unkind notice from a New York reviewer. When this happens, the producer becomes a pariah in Hollywood. He is shunned by his friends, thrown into bankruptcy, and like a Japanese electing hara-kiri, he commits suttee.
beautiful girl writing
I guess I'm just an old mad scientist at bottom. Give me an underground laboratory, half a dozen atom-smashers, and a beautiful girl in a diaphanous veil waiting to be turned into a chimpanzee, and I care not who writes the nation's laws.
writing hands believer
I loathe writing. On the other hand I'm a great believer in money.