S. J. Perelman
S. J. Perelman
Sidney Joseph Perelman, known as S. J. Perelman, was an American humorist, author, and screenwriter. He is best known for his humorous short pieces written over many years for The New Yorker. He also wrote for several other magazines, including Judge, as well as books, scripts, and screenplays. Perelman received an Academy Award for screenwriting in 1956...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionScreenwriter
Date of Birth1 February 1904
CountryUnited States of America
evening feels ifs
If, at the close of business each evening, I myself can understand what I've written, I feel the day hasn't been totally wasted.
travel adventure may
If travel has taught me nothing more, and it certainly has, it's this: you never know when some trifling incident, utterly without significance, may pitchfork you into adventure or, by the same token, may not.
gone teeth fit
I'll dispose of my teeth as I see fit, and after they've gone, I'll get along. I started off living on gruel, and by God, I can always go back to it again.
summer discovery august
One stifling summer afternoon last August, in the attic of a tiny stone house in Pennsylvania, I made a most interesting discovery: the shortest, cheapest method of inducing a nervous breakdown ever perfected. In this technique..., the subject is placed in a sharply sloping attic heated to 340 F and given a mothproof closet known as the Jiffy-Cloz to assemble.
doors secret may
You'll have to leave my meals on a tray outside the door because I'll be working pretty late on the secret of making myself invisible, which may take me almost until eleven o'clock.
sympathy lips bits
He bit his lip in a manner which immediately awakened my maternal sympathy, and I helped him bite it.
maturity squash tomatoes
Tomatoes and squash never fail to reach maturity. You can spray them with acid, beat them with sticks and burn them; they love it.
trying criticism fiction
I cannot recall a more engaging passage in fiction, and I've been trying for almost eighteen seconds.
forgiveness forgiving humans
To err is human, to forgive supine.
knows ifs
I don't know where we're going or how we'll get there, but when we get there we'll be there - and that's something, even if it's nothing.
fate deck bottom
Fate was dealing from the bottom of the deck.
opposites two ponies
Only the scenario writers are exempt. These are tied between the tails of two spirited Caucasian ponies, which are then driven off in opposite directions. This custom is called a conference.
learning
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.