Scott Adams
Scott Adams
Scott Raymond Adamsis an American cartoonist, creator of the Dilbert comic strip and the author of several nonfiction works of satire, commentary, business, and general speculation...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionCartoonist
Date of Birth8 June 1957
CityWindham, NY
CountryUnited States of America
Scott Adams quotes about
funny-work ideas assassins
If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.
information way want
The best way to compile inaccurate information that no one wants is to make it up.
understanding shortcuts
Everything you learn becomes a shortcut for understanding something else.
wife legs jeeves
I was surprised to learn that doing household chores qualifies as romantic for most of you [women]. That's exactly why you should never hire a butler if you strike it rich - the minute that Jeeves starts unloading the dishwasher without being asked, your wife is going to start humping his leg.
strong sex lying
In yesterday's post, I asked how many of you guys would have sex with a robot if it was indistinguishable from a hot human woman. About 95% of the hetero guys said they would. The other 5% expressed a strong preference for lying.
differences alcohol marketing
The main difference between marketing and fraud is that criminals have to pay for their own alcohol.
pay want figures
If you want success, figure out the price, then pay it.
science thinking machines
Dilbert: I'm obsessed with inventing a perpetual motion machine. Most scientists think it's impossible, but I have something they don't. Dogbert: A lot of spare time? Dilbert: Exactly.
nuts people arguing
If you spend all your time arguing with people who are nuts, you'll be exhausted and the nuts will still be nuts.
science simple tonight
Newsreader: A huge asteroid could destroy Earth! And by coincidence, that's the subject of tonight's miniseries. Dogbert: In science, researchers proved that this simple device can keep idiots off your television screen. [TV remote control] Click.
stupid giving choke
When life gives you lemons... choke on them and die... you stupid lemon eater.
stress caring quality
Caring about the quality of your work causes stress. Stress can kill you. Maintain good health by remembering that the stockholders are complete strangers who have never done anything for you.
keys initiative optimization
We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.
carries chunks given season tyler yards
Tyler Phillips will also get more carries this week. He has made some big chunks of yards this season when given the chance.