Famous Quotes & Sayings

Jarome Iginla

That one wasn't so funny because he got hurt.

Benjamin Disraeli

When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken.

Kathryn Prescott

I don't have a type looks-wise, but all my exes have been funny, open-minded and ambitious. I can't stand men with no passion in life.

Demetri Martin

Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.

Demetri Martin

I was in my friends garage, and he had; a kite, a yo-yo, and a boomerang. I was like "Dude, you have abandonment issues"

Demetri Martin

I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.

Damon Runyon

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

Craig Ferguson

A casino in South Dakota was robbed by a man dressed as a mummy. The police described the suspect as anywhere between 25 and 8,000 years old.

Craig Ferguson

Last night on the show I had Olympics fever. Unfortunately, it's getting worse. That's not good. I have to call my doctor if my torch burns for more than four hours.

Daniel Woodrell

Texas humor and Southern humor are pretty similar.

Dennis Ritchie

The notion of a record is an obsolete remnant of the days of the 80-column card.

Alfred Lord Tennyson

And ah for a man to arise in me, That the man I am may cease to be!

Chuck Norris

Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth.

Thomas Reed

One, with God, is always a majority, but many a martyr has been burned at the stake while the votes were being counted.

Simon Pegg

I mean, yeah, I'm sure that Python and the other things have paved the way for a greater understanding of the British sense of humor, but I don't think it's all that different than the American sense of humor.

Suzanne Collins

No. Now, shut up and eat your pears.

Steven Tyler

Seems like the light at the end of the tunnel may be you.

Michael Badnarik

Drug prohibition has caused gang warfare and other violent crimes by raising the prices of drugs so much that vicious criminals enter the market to make astronomical profits, and addicts rob and steal to get money to pay the inflated prices for their drugs.

Jane Yolen

Time may heal all wounds, but it does not erase the scars.

Blaise Pascal

When one does not love too much, one does not love enough.

Blaise Pascal

I rather live as if God exists to find out that He doesn't than live as if he doesn't exist to find out He does.

Elizabeth Bowen

The novel does not simply recount experience, it adds to experience.

Alejandro Jodorowsky

One does not go to the theater to escape from himself, but to reestablish contact with the mystery that we all are.

Alfred North Whitehead

Knowledge does not keep any better than fish.

Alfred Korzybski

He who learns and learns and yet does not know what he knows, is one who plows and plows yet never sows.

Alfred Korzybski

I am the same kind of moron as the rest of you, it's the method that does the work, for me as well as for you.

Alec Baldwin

I'm the kind of person who does not want to be anywhere that I'm not wanted.