Famous Quotes & Sayings

Doug Stanhope

Babies are like poems. They're beautiful to their creator, but to other people, they're silly and they're irritating.

Doug Stanhope

At least black people knew when they were slaves; you remain clueless.

Doug Stanhope

If you really believe death leads to eternal bliss then why are you wearing a seatbelt?

Doug Stanhope

Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to do.

Douglas Adams

Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.

Duffy Daugherty

Football is not a contact sport. Its a collision sport

Duke of Wellington

Yes, about ten minutes.

Dorothy Canfield Fisher

A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary.

Donald Rumsfeld

Be precise. A lack of precision is dangerous when the margin of error is small.

Ray Lewis

Parents may be always working, parents may be in and out. When you're dropping them off with coaches, the first thing kids should be coming back and saying is, 'Mom, guess what I learned today? Guess what coach taught me today?'

Susan Beth Pfeffer

So what if I don't learn algebra?' 'Someday schools will be open again,' Mom said. 'Things will be normal. You need to do your work now for when that happens.' 'That's never going to happen,' Jon said. 'And even if schools do open up somewhere, they're not going to open up here. There aren't enough people left.' 'We don't know how many people are like us, holed up, making do until times get better.' 'I bet whoever they are, they aren't studying algebra,' Jon said.

Susan Beth Pfeffer

...when I came back, I found Mom sobbing at the kitchen table...Then I asked her what had happened. 'Nothing,'she said. 'I was thinking about that man...I started thinking about...if he and his wife and their other child are okay, and I don't know. It just got to me.' 'I know,' I said, because I did know. Sometimes it's safer to cry about people you don't know than to think about people you really love.

Steve Kaufman

I met Keith Haring at SVA college where he was having an art show, later we had a group art show at the Mud Club in NYC. Keith owed me $50, so he gave me a large framed canvas with barking dogs that had large dicks. I painted over Keith's painting to paint flowers for my mom's living room.

Tim McGraw

My mom is my hero. [She] inspired me to dream when I was a kid, so anytime anyone inspires you to dream, that's gotta be your hero.

Tika Sumpter

My mom was an opera singer, and she gave up her career to raise a family. But she also taught my sisters how to sing.

Tina Fey

I grew up in a family of Republicans. And when I was 18 and registering to vote, my mom's only instruction was 'You just go in and pull the big Republican lever.' That's my welcome to adulthood. She's like, 'No, don't even read it. Just pull the Republican lever.

Sam Donaldson

If you sent me to cover a pie-baking contest on Mother's Day, I'm going to ask dear old Mom why she used artificial sweetener or stole the apples!

Ronald Knox

A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.

Dick Cavett

Great humorists are great insulters.