Famous Quotes & Sayings

Adam Carolla

When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.

Adam Carolla

I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

Adam Carolla

I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

Adam Carolla

Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.

Adam Carolla

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

Adam Carolla

He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.

Adam Carolla

Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.

Adam Carolla

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

Adam Carolla

I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I'll never get to do that.

Dave Barry

A long memory is the most subversive idea in America. A tautology is a thing which is tautological. A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets people's attention. If your kids look like you, it's hereditory. If they look like the neighbor, it's the environment. Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

Charles Fillmore

Here is a mental treatment guaranteed to cure every ill that flesh is heir to: sit for half an hour every night and mentally forgive everyone against whom you have any ill will or antipathy.

Michael Schur

What's important on a comedy show, or any show, is that some stories have to go somewhere. There have to be ends to the beginnings and middles you create. But sometimes it's like a way station on the highway, then the actual thing doesn't have to be this giant, climactic, life-changing, game-changing thing.