Famous Quotes & Sayings

Anthony Jeselnik

When I finished high school, I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle.

Ann Brashares

There are two kinds of people in this world. The kind who divide the world into two kinds of people and those who don't.

Ann Brashares

When your about to criticize someone walk a mile in thier shoes, that way when you criticize them you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes

Andy Borowitz

The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.

Andy Borowitz

Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.

Andy Borowitz

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.

Andy Borowitz

Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.

Andy Borowitz

Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.

Andy Borowitz

I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.

Corin Nemec

I got to do a whole slew of TV movies playing the bad guy, including an episode of Smallville. That would never have happened if I hadn't done the Stand.

Amanda Seyfried

I'm never going to be with a guy that can't deal with my friendship with him.

Andrew Vachss

Camouflage doesn't help when the other guy is willing to defoliate the whole jungle.

Ricky Jay

I never talk much about my family, but my grandfather was friendly with these guys, with magicians and ventriloquists on the highest levels, and I was just interested.

Tom Petty

I'm not exactly a guy who makes new friends easily.

Tiger Woods

There are guys on Tour who hit the ball further than me. I always thought it was important to have power, but more important to have power in reserve.

Steven Wright

I thought I would be a guy on the radio.

Steven Wright

Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.

Steven Wright

One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.

Ann Beattie

Also minimalism is a term that all of us who share so little in common and who are lumped together as minimalists are not terribly happy with.

George Washington

The business being thus closed . . . dined together and took a cordial leave of each other After which I returned to my lodgings, did some business with and received the papers from the secretary of the Convention, and retired to meditate on the momentous work which had been executed.