Famous Quotes & Sayings

Allan Sherman

Adultery - which is the only grounds for divorce in New York - is not grounds for divorce in California. As a matter of fact, adultery in Southern California is grounds for marriage.

Anthony Jeselnik

My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces.

Anthony Jeselnik

Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital.

Anthony Jeselnik

Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.

Anthony Jeselnik

Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.

Anthony Jeselnik

A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'

Anthony Jeselnik

My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch "Schindler's List." And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can't believe it only happened once.

Anthony Jeselnik

You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub... and you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby.

Anthony Jeselnik

My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.

Michael Beasley

It was an honor to be a part of history, but honestly I don't remember all the games we've played. I do remember the trips, though, and that's what we will miss the most ? all those good times.

Dick Jauron

(Bettis) is the kind of player that the game needs, the game thrives on, and the game grows around.

Lofa Tatupu

Everything is structured. He gives you a number of things to prepare for the week. You go to the game knowing what to expect.

Quin Snyder

Tucker took the game over. No matter who guarded him, he was tough for us to handle.

Ben Olsen

Yes, yes a lot. I was probably more nervous for this game than I have been in a long time. Nerves help sometimes, though.

Junior Lessard

You are not really supposed to do that, but after a game like that you want to.

Bob Shinkan

Todd and I have already talked about this. This will be the game we play here every year.

Craig Yenzer

You can't come into a game unemotional and I think we did that. That shows some growth because some of these experiences we're going through are going to help us come district.

Mike Davis

You can just see it in their faces. It's not the same team. Because we lost one game or two games on the road and it was like the end of the year. When you think about that, it doesn't make sense. At all.

Bobby Long

Imagine what we can do if we took this tournament to 1.3 million people as opposed to just Greensboro. There's a huge market for this golf tournament that's just waiting to be tapped into.

Jerry Kelly

I was thinking to myself yesterday, 'You know, I'm 3-over and I still love the golf course,'

Jay Leno

President Clinton and President Obama played a round of golf over the weekend. President Clinton asked Obama what his handicap was, and Obama said, 'Joe Biden.'

Gil Gerard

I have a project at HBO and one at the Family Channel coming that are being looked at. Aside from that I am not doing much more than playing golf and some skiing.

Hale Irwin

You can talk about strategy all you want, but what really matters is resiliency.

Hollis Stacy

Why do we work so hard to feel so terrible?

Hollis Stacy

I can't see anyone coming out, because the players feel it is no one's business. We all stick together. We're a very tight group. It would be too hard for just one person to do, too stressful. And why should it make a difference? The LPGA is about golf.

Hollis Stacy

The competition I played against was fantastic, but golf is a different game now. The courses have shrunk because the equipment has gotten better. They're hitting the ball 10 to 15 percent farther because of the changes in the golf ball.

Hollis Stacy

Women's golf definitely hit a bump in the road. We lost some tournaments due to a combination of things led by the downturn in the economy.

Marcelo Enriquez

South is a very good team and I knew they were going to be much more competitive the second round.

Joe Linta

Special teams will be his meal ticket. He's got good speed and good hands. He's a real good 51, 52 or 53-type guy on the roster who can do a lot of things for you.

Kyle McLaren

Special teams was good tonight, especially the penalty kill.

Kelly Wood

One good shot from the opposition (centre guard) and that's all they needed to win. We had to hit at least three-quarters and it hung straight. That's curling.

Thomas Fuller

One good head is better than a hundred strong hands

John Sharp

One can say all they want about politicians, but politicians to other politicians, their word is almost always good.

Rob Hermann

Once you get to this point, you just want to see the local guys do well. Dustin is a good kid, and we love to help as much as possible.

Chris Chambers

Once you wrap that screen around, and you get really good sound you get immersed, ... You mentally make the leap that you're in this game. It's really amazing.

Stephen Malkmus

One day I'm going to write a straight-ahead story. I really want to, but I can't at the moment. I'm not very good at it right now.

Tim Ricketts

This is our third straight win and to win on the road like this is a nice victory.

Bella Thorne

The Humane Society is so great to work with. Because everyone there is so nice and supportive, and they're all animal lovers like me.

Bobby Robson

Anything from 1-0 to 2-0 would be a nice result

Debby Ryan

T.V. acting is a great skill to have, and it's nice to have that stability.

Sherrilyn Kenyon

Alright, you'll get your bonus, buy play nice with her. Keep your sarcasm to a minimum. (Kyrian) Yes, O Great Lord and Master. Be nice to woman, keep mouth shut. (Nick)

Max Azria

Yes, e-commerce is a strange situation for an old guy like me. You can buy a TV online, OK, but to buy a dress or shoes? Ugh. The customer has to go back to the store and breathe and smell and have a good time. Because shopping is a good time - like going to a nice restaurant.

Gary Oldman

So Harry Potter came in and it is nice that I have kids of the right age. I took them to London and they walked around the set and met Harry Potter and that is thrilling.

Jerome Bettis

Fame is fleeting, and you can't get caught up in it. Signing autographs, taking pictures, and being nice to people is a small price to pay for the upside that comes with this.

Ellen DeGeneres

I like sitting at outdoor restaurants; it would be nice to go someplace on the street and not worry about somebody taking my picture while I'm about to take a bite of something.

Bob Gilder

I think I made more putts today than I've made all year,