Famous Quotes & Sayings

Daniel Tosh

How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.

David Ogilvy

The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wife.

Danny Devito

It's fun to be on the edge. I think you do your best work when you take chances, when you're not safe, when you're not in the middle of the road, at least for me, anyway.

Danger Mouse

Broken Bells reminds me how much fun I have making music.

Danica McKellar

Note to self: When noticing flyaway hairs, do not use lip gloss as an 'on-the-go' hair gel.

Angelina Jolie

I am odd-looking. I sometimes think I look like a funny Muppet.

The good news is that growth funds that are down this year, if you've been in them for 18 months or more, you've still made tremendous returns,

Andy Kindler

George Lopez is always on the verge of hilarity. If he could ever think of something funny to say, if he had a funny thought in his mind, he's ready to go.

Brooke Elliott

Ty Burrell could be one of the funniest people on the planet. I'd love to meet him.

George Mastras

The scene is never really about moving the story forward on 'Breaking Bad.' That's the functional veneer of the scene, but it's always about what's going on with the characters.

Jerry Seinfeld

Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested.

Actually being funny is mostly telling the truth about things.

Clark Gregg

You know I grew up on the Batman movies, and they had some terrific actors in, but you know a lot of the other ones - it wasn't always the case that you had people the caliber of Jeff Bridges or Robert Downey, so to kind of show up and work with Jeremy Renner or Robert or with Mark Ruffalo, any of them, Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, the caliber of people you're acting with, to me, is really fun. From the first day I started doing scenes with Robert, it's been one of the funnest experiences I've ever had.

Dan Quayle

I deserve respect for the things I did not do.

Dan Quayle

Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here.

Dan Quayle

We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world.

Dan Quayle

I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.

Dan Quayle

People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history.

Dan Quayle

My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will, never, never surrender to what is right.

Dan Quayle

If you give a person a fish, they'll fish for a day. But if you train a person to fish, they'll fish for a lifetime.

Dan Quayle

If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.

Cynthia Payne

Every time we had a raid, I'd get a boyfriend out of it.

Dan Marino

As a team, you need to come from behind every once in awhile just to do it. Good for the attitude. It makes it exciting. And when everybody knows you have to throw it... that makes it fun too.

Conan O'Brien

The U.S. team has swept all the medals in the skeet shooting event. So despite our bad economy, it's nice to know our country has never been safer from an attack of skeets.

Conan O'Brien

An American judo fighter was expelled from the Olympics after testing positive for marijuana. Officials became suspicious when he kept stopping the match and saying, 'What are we fighting for, man?'

Conan O'Brien

The Romneys have a horse competing in the Olympics. Ann Romney's horse failed to win a medal in the dressage event today, which is a shame because if there's one thing that family needs, it's more gold.

Conan O'Brien

It's now come out just before his record-breaking 100-meter dash, gold medalist Usain Bolt ate at McDonald's. Apparently he timed his meal so when the race started he would have exactly 9.63 seconds to get to a toilet.

Conan O'Brien

An Australian swimmer who failed to win a gold medal is blaming her loss on social media. In her defense, it is really hard to tweet when you're swimming.

Conan O'Brien

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

Conan O'Brien

The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts.

E. W. Howe

Many a man is saved from being a thief by finding everything locked up.

E. W. Howe

If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.

Brian Helgeland

I always think any circumstances can be funny. Not that I'm irresponsible, but when things go wrong, I always come up with a joke or think of something funny to say.