Famous Quotes & Sayings

David Letterman

Final installment of Things More Fun Than Reading the Sarah Palin Memoir: Driving into a tree, microwaving your head, and getting stabbed in the eye with a carrot.

David Letterman

Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey taxi." Two is "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdales?" And three is "Don't worry, it's only a flesh wound.

David Letterman

The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral.

David Letterman

How about those Olympics, ladies and gentlemen. Didn't London look like the place to be? New York City was in the running for this Olympics. But here's what happened. We got outbribed.

David Letterman

The European countries are really hoping to do well in the Olympics. If they win gold medals, they can use them as cash.

David Letterman

The night before the Olympics opening ceremony, my son, who is eight years old, gets very excited and likes to put out a plate of cookies and some milk for Bob Costas.

David Letterman

Have you seen the Olympic uniforms? It's for the American Olympic team and it's berets. To me, nothing says America like a guy in a beret. Look at our founding fathers, they all wore berets.

David Letterman

When I stopped smoking cigars it was the biggest mistake I made in my life. So my resolution for 98 is Im going to start smoking cigars again. I gave them up about a year and a half ago, and I now realize that it may have been my one last fun, interesting thing to do.

David Letterman

Mitt Romney had a horse competing in the Olympics. He didn't win. But next year, he'll be competing in 'Dancing with the Stars.'

David Letterman

Presidential hopeful Jeb Bush has released all of his emails. I'd like to release all of my emails. I've got nothing but emails about low-cost funerals and Viagra.

David Letterman

Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.

David Letterman

Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel.

David Letterman

We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since this guy has gotten laid in the private sector.

David Letterman

Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.

David Letterman

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.

David Letterman

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

David Gallagher

Bad guys have more fun.

David Gallagher

I can't wait for my little sisters to start dating, because it will really be fun to pick on their boyfriends.

David Gerrold

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

David Gemmell

It's a funny thing about weaknesses....Most people will tell you they know their weaknesses. When asked, they'll tell you, 'Well for one thing, I'm overgenerous.' ... that's what innkeepers are for.

David Johansen

I'm doing exactly what I want to do, and I'm having fun doing it.

David Berg

The New Heaven and New Earth are like a double Millennium, Millennium for ever!-Double your pleasure, double your fun, double your Heaven that's never done!

David Berg

All of the pleasures of this present physical life can be continued into the next life as well, since we will have a body which is similar to our present physical body, but so much more glorious and wonderful and supernatural. We will be able to eat, drink, be merry and have fun without ever suffering pain or sickness or weariness or death.

David Berg

Death is the funeral of all our sorrows.

David Berg

My idea of Heaven is what we've got right now, right here!-All this beauty and pleasure and fun and inspiration and spirit and fellowship and joy, all of this and more so and more of it!

David Beckham

Wayne's like my son, Brooklyn, who goes out in the garden to play and have fun.

David Beckham

We're definitely going to get Brooklyn christened, but we don't know into which religion.

David Beckham

That was in the past - we're in the future now.

David Beckham

I can play in the center, on the right and occasionally on the left side.

David Beckham

I always wanted to be a hairdresser.

Dave Willis

The funny thing is that I had never actually watched TV.

Dave Winfield

The only players that are having fun are those having a good year, feasting on pitching or blowing down hitters and garnering all the adulation that goes with it. But, if you're not hitting or not throwing well, or are injured, you better look for fun someplace else.

Dave Grohl

It's a weird thing when you make records. You try to hear it before you make it, so you walk into the studio with this idea of what you expect to happen, and that usually changes. That usually turns into something else, and that's a good thing. If everything was as you imagined it to be, it just wouldn't be as much fun.