Andy Borowitz
Andy Borowitz
Andy Borowitzis an American writer, comedian, satirist, and actor. Borowitz is a New York Times-bestselling author who won the first National Press Club award for humor. He is known for creating The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and the satirical column The Borowitz Report, which has an audience in the millions and was acquired by The New Yorker. In a profile on CBS News Sunday Morning, he was called "one of the funniest people in America"...
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth4 January 1958
CityShaker Heights, OH
cancel continue couple days gauge major number obvious people piece reader response
After Sept. 11, I didn't write a piece for a couple of days because I thought people wouldn't want me to be funny. This time, it was so obvious what could be written, and I'll continue to write it. I can usually gauge reader response from the number of people who cancel on my e-mail list, and there's been no major withdrawal.
cal insanity
I feel like Cal Ripken or something, ... This insanity is all self-imposed.
discovered expensive moved network stuff wrote york
I wanted to get away from big, expensive network projects, ... so I moved to New York and I did nothing. And then I discovered the Internet. I didn't think of it as a moneymaker -- I wrote stuff I thought my friends would find funny.
decision defense donald pay secretary
At the Pentagon, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said that the decision to pay recruits in gasoline, while unorthodox, was a 'slam-dunk solution' to the Army's nagging shortfalls in enlistment.
britney great
Britney is one of our great comedians. She has been hilarious,
famous yourselves
Get over yourselves with the coffee. You know, we all have it. It's like being famous for mustard or gum.
effective resigning vice
I am resigning effective immediately. Bo Derek will become the new vice president.
baby jesus lasts
The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.
gun thinking dreamer
Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.
dumb said idiotic
Let's not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he's said in public.
nice school political
It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
lasts republican excited
Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.
witty technology people
It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.
gps pakistan needs
We invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.