Anthony Jeselnik
Anthony Jeselnik
Anthony Jeselnikis an American comedian, television host, writer, producer, actor and podcast personality. He is known for his dark comedy style, which emphasizes misdirection, non sequiturs, biting insults, an arrogant demeanour, and a stage persona that frequently takes amoral stances...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth22 December 1978
CityPittsburgh, PA
CountryUnited States of America
girl abortion lollipop
I want to marry the kind of girl that walks out of an abortion clinic with a lollipop.
opposites syndromes
The opposite of sad is down's syndrome.
children thinking huge
Child molesters must all think they've got huge dicks.
sex firsts relief
The first time I had sex, I didn't know what I was doing. It was a relief when the whole thing was over after just 45 minutes.
century meaning-of-christmas gullibility
The true meaning of Christmas is actually centuries of gullibility.
thinking people trying
I don't think people shouldn't try to be edgy, but you have to take what the audience says to you in consideration.
tv-shows new-normal september-11
Ellen Barkin, your upcoming TV show ‘The New Normal’ premiers on September 11th. September 11th, that sounds about right. Every clip I’ve seen feels like I’m watching a third tower collapse.
world horrible horrible-things
The world is full of horrible things...
night dating blind
I let a friend set me up on a blind date. It was a disaster. She ended up being a burn victim. By the end of the night.
nice thinking people
People are surprised that I'm nice and it helps me out a little bit; it's easy to be nice when everyone thinks you're going to be a jerk but if people think you're a nice guy then it's tough because it's what they expect.
girlfriend yelling trying
I'm trying to teach my girlfriend how to surf. But I just end up yelling at her the whole time. Because I don't know how to surf.
valentine pussy cards
Valentine's Day was created by the greeting card industry to get pussy.
dad father wish
Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time.
family simple want
My sister is going to have a simple wedding. Just immediate family. And whoever the hell would want to marry her.