Cynthia Heimel
Cynthia Heimel
Cynthia Heimelis a feminist humorist writer from Oakland, California. She is a columnist and the author of satirical books primarily aimed at a female readership and known for their unusual titles, as well as a playwright and television writer...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionWriter
CountryUnited States of America
dangerous
You can't take away knowledge, and it's dangerous to pretend you never had it.
silly insecure men
All men are not slimy warthogs. Some men are silly giraffes, some woebegone puppies, some insecure frogs. But if one is not careful, those slimy warthogs can ruin it for all the others.
airplane men feet
Beware of men on airplanes. The minute a man reaches thirty thousand feet, he immediately becomes consumed by distasteful sexual fantasies which involve doing uncomfortable things in those tiny toilets. These men should not be encouraged, their fantasies are sadly low-rent and unimaginative. Affect an aloof, cool demeanor as soon as any man tries to draw you out. Unless, of course, he's the pilot.
dog needs we-need-each-other
Dogs and humans are symbiotic species. We need each other.
girl buddhist new-york
In New York we have streets exploding and innocent Buddhist girls being stabbed in the neck and cabdrivers refusing to help her. If we happen into a nightclub by mistake, when we leave the doorman will be lying in the street surrounded by police.
fools-day doubt april-fools
When in doubt, make a fool of yourself.
baby children humorous
Pity the poor infant. Born perfect into the world from imperfect parents.
kitchen lingerie clean
Show me a woman who is prouder of her clean kitchen than of her collection of lingerie and I'll show you a woman with enlarged pores.
girl women feelings
Men, being conditioned badly, are always feeling nooses closing around their necks, even dumpy boors no girl would take on a bet.
dog forever feelings
With dogs, you don't need gurus. Dogs are forever in the moment. They are always a tidal wave of feelings, and every feeling is some variant of love.
mind peace-of-mind frightened
Possessions, for the terminally frightened, bring peace of mind.
running country musical
The country is suffering from musical-chairs syndrome. We all dance around for a bit and then when we try to sit down again, somebody doesn't have a chair. We're running scared; we want ours.
country real believe
The only women who don't believe that sexual harassment is a real problem in this country are women who have never been in the workplace.
cute children kids
You know what we can be like: see a guy and think he's cute one minute, the next minute our brains have us married with kids, the following minute we see him having an extramarital affair. By the time someone says, 'I'd like you to meet Cecil,' we shout, 'You're late again with the child support!'