Dave Barry
Dave Barry
David McAlister "Dave" Barryis a Pulitzer Prize winning American author and columnist, who wrote a nationally syndicated humor column for the Miami Herald from 1983 to 2005. He has also written numerous books of humor and parody, as well as comedic novels...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionJournalist
Date of Birth3 July 1947
CityArmonk, NY
CountryUnited States of America
gun europe wind
To defend Western Europe we have to let the Pentagon buy all these tanks and guns and things, and the Pentagon is unable to buy any object that that costs less than a condominium in Vail. If the Pentagon needs, say, fruit, it will argue that it must have fruit that can withstand the rigors of combat conditions, and it will wind up purchasing the FX-700 Seedless Tactical Grape, which will cost $160,000 per bunch, and will have an 83 percent failure rate.
humorous school gun
I have read that, on the average, the Japanese are getting taller, but at the moment they seem to be about the same height as American junior-high-school students, only with fewer guns.
humorous gun hands
Funny, isn't it? The airlines go to all that trouble to keep you from taking a gun on board, then they just hand you a dinner roll you could kill a musk ox with.
club crude dating engage man millions older picked primitive recorded rock round sports time yearning
Mankind's yearning to engage in sports is older than recorded history, dating back to the time millions of years ago, when the first primitive man picked up a crude club and a round rock, tossed the rock into the air, and whomped the club into the sl
baggage claim message miami
Miami does not have a visitor-friendly airport. At Miami International, a cramped and dingy labyrinth, the message is: Just Try to Find Our Baggage Claim Area!
kids miss noise pick size
'You kids are just going to miss out on all the AAIIIEEE.'' This is the noise you make when you pick up a splinter the size of a harpoon.
destroying details freely funny internet intimate mind shocking watching
While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Internet are exchanging, freely and openly, the most uninhibited, intimate and, yes, shocking details about our "CONFIG.SYS" settings.
appreciate bands classical music musicians names son
My son does not appreciate classical musicians such as the Stones; he is more into bands with names like "Heave" and "Squatting Turnips.
four three
We know three or four songs, ... But we play about 50.
considered except major motion poor taste
Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word except in major motion pictures.
became england great hospital research saw sensitive street tremendous visited
We became pretty sensitive about it. We visited Great Ormond Street Hospital when we were in England to do research and we saw the tremendous need for funds.
contained feet laptop occupied square technology vacuum version weighed
UNIVAC: a device, which contained 20,000 vacuum tubes, occupied 1,500 square feet and weighed 40 tons; there was also a laptop version weighing 27 tons.
people glaciers away-from-you
If, when you talk to people, they keep backing away from you, it's because you're TOO CLOSE, alright? SO DON'T KEEP ADVANCING ON THEM LIKE A HUMAN GLACIER.
thinking
He could even think about how fast he was thinking about things.