Famous Quotes & Sayings

Mark Doren

Nothing in man is more serious than his sense of humor; it is the sign that he wants all the truth.

David Sedaris

Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.

Dave Barry

England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.

Dave Barry

English history consists largely of royal people getting their heads chopped off...Needless to say, this brand of history was a hit with our son.

Dave Barry

The basic Roman ruin design is a pile of rocks with a little plaque saying "Roman Ruins" and a group of tourists frowning at it and wishing they were back at the hotel bar..

Dave Barry

The Romans spent the next 200 years using their great engineering skill to construct ruins all over Europe.

Dave Barry

One key lesson of history is that virtually anything, including afternoon or evening thundershowers, causes Germany to invade Belgium.

Dave Barry

Nevada has a very dynamic economy, with gambling being the number-one industry, followed closely by blood donorship.

Dave Barry

Europeans, like some Americans, drive on the right side of the road, except in England, where they drive on both sides of the road; Italy, where they drive on the sidewalk; and France, where if necessary they will follow you right into the hotel lobby.

Bikram Choudhury

Do you know, every yoga school in India is free?

V. S. Naipaul

At school I had only admirers; I had no friends.

C. S. Lewis

What do they teach them at these schools?

Cathy Rigby

In high school I never went to the prom because I was too consumed with gymnastics. Also, with my hair in pigtails and looking about 10, I wasn't exactly date material.

Carrie Preston

Everyone thinks they went to high school with me. I take it as a compliment that I look different in every role.

Carrie Brownstein

Wholeness is sort of a dubious concept. Because in terms of the human body and literal wholeness and structures, you think: "here are the structures that help make me whole." Family, or school, or the city I live in. When those structures are dysfunctional or decaying, you end up kind of Frankensteining pieces from everywhere in order to make yourself sated and comfortable and alive.

Carrie Underwood

I did most of my volunteer work when I was in college because I knew of more ways to get involved. In high school, we'd do things like, there was a homeless shelter near our hometown and our church group decorated one of the rooms. In college, I was in a sorority, and we did a lot of things, like pick up trash on the highway.

Carrie Underwood

I'm about the only person in my family that's made it to 24 without being married. That's the way it works where I'm from. Most people, if you find someone to marry in high school, you do that, and if you don't find that, then you find someone in college.

Bill Burr

I'm an idiot, basically. I don't think that I'm a dumb guy, but I also realise that I have access to about 0.1 percent of the information that I need to have a truly informed opinion about half the stuff I talk about. I'm like that loud guy in the bar, who kind of makes sense for about ten minutes, and then you realise he flunked everything at high school so you just laugh at him.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Here I start out for the first time with a gun to my head, ... wanting to take my life and for the first time I'm on drugs and alcohol. I've lost my family. I've lost my job. It's the end-of-the-rope kind of thing.

Paul Quantrill

Gun for hire, ... Hopefully I can help out, and help these guys. I'm really just here to see if I can help out a little bit.

Jim Kennedy

I suspect that it will show the same individual and the same guns were used in all the shootings,

Robert Daskas

(It) confirms that the gun was used on Melissa in defendants' home.

Louis Graham

The people who are turning the guns in are not the problem,

Dennis Hastert

We support common-sense legislation that keeps guns out of the hands of unsupervised children,

Kevin Connors

He was sagging. No one said they saw the gun in his pocket. He couldn't stick a gun in his pants.

Wayne Delk

He was removing it from his pocket and had it in his hands when it went off. At some point when he was running, his gun discharged.

Amber Rose

I always looked up to Slash from Guns N' Roses, and I always pictured myself being a rock star and playing the guitar, just going crazy.