Ellen DeGeneres
Ellen DeGeneres
Ellen Lee DeGeneres is an American comedian, television host, actress, writer, and producer. Degeneres starred in the popular sitcom Ellen from 1994 to 1998, and has hosted her syndicated TV talk show, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, since 2003...
ProfessionTV Show Host
Date of Birth26 January 1958
CityMetairie, LA
funny baby humor
I don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. If I'm going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old-fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before.
sound hello saying-hi
Haiku sounds like I'm Saying hi to someone named Ku. Hi, Ku. Hello.
keys realizing key-to-happiness
The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yourself.
hug serial-killer killers
So be who you really are. Embrace who you are. Literally. Hug yourself. Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.
song morning people
The song 'If I Had a Hammer' is geared toward people who don't have a hammer. Maybe before I had a hammer I thought I'd hammer in the morning and hammer in the evening. But once you get a hammer, you find you don't really hammer as much as you thought you would.
mom mother book
I appreciate your giving my book -- and in no small way, me -- a chance. To thank you, I really wanted to acknowledge all of you in the book. Unfortunately, I didn't have enough room for each name. So I've put in a code name that stands for all of you reading this book. The name is 'Mom.' It will be our little secret. So when you see 'Mom' in the acknowledgments, you'll know I'm really talking about you. And don't let my mother try to tell you otherwise.
teaching ideas pneumonia
I don't know who had the bright idea of teaching pneumonia how to walk, but I'd like to find that dunderhead before he decides he wants to teach it how to drive.
thank-god hours found
All of my friends were seeing a therapist, and I thought something was wrong with me that I didn't see a therapist. So I went to a therapist to find out why I wasn't seeing a therapist. And it turns out I'm very screwed up. Thank God I found a therapist to tell me for $125 an hour.
thinking animal air
First of all, I don't think they have to go that high. That is not necessary, to be that high in the air. I think they're showing off, those pilots. I think we could just go really fast just a few feet off the ground. Just high enough to miss the animals.
world
I would love for the world to be happier.
funny letters hanging-out
What did the letter O say to Q? Dude, your dikk is hanging out.
funny romance waterfalls
Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink.
funny powerful thinking
You have to have funny faces and words, you can't just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I think that's why it's hard for people to imagine that women can do that, be that powerful.
smart insecure feelings
Do you feel insecure because you keep getting the nagging feeling that you're not that smart? Well, I've got good news for you, my friend. You have no need to be insecure. That nagging feeling is absolutely right on target. You are not that smart. But I have more good news for you. You are also not alone.