Greg Fitzsimmons
Greg Fitzsimmons
Gregory Sebastian "Greg" Fitzsimmonsis an American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer and radio host...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth5 April 1966
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
water guy tanks
Ever see a skinny guy on a cold day? You know they tremble like Chihuahuas. Then you see a fat guy in a tank top - nine degrees, he's sweatin'. Look at 'Titanic,' remember the boat goes into the icy cold waters? Little skinny Leonardo: dead. Final scene, Kathy Bates on a rowboat, coat open, eating a hotdog.
wall drinking fighting
Same thing every year, getting up at the crack of dawn, drinking, fighting, throwing up, pissing on walls and then you leave the house and things get bad.
men shame seconds
They say men have a sexual thought every 20 seconds. The other 19 are shame.
fall hair awkward
I'm kinda stuck in that awkward in-between stage where my hair is just starting to fall out, but I'm still maintaining my youthful acne.
jelly young grapes
I feel like I am too old to eat jelly. But I am too young to eat prunes. I am between grapes.
trying olympics hard
I have to stop watching the Olympics. It just reminds me that I forgot to try really hard at something.
good-luck luck identity
Somebody stole my identity. Good luck using it without the medications.
sleep men hard-times
I've finally been able to trust and have intimacy with somebody, which I've never been able to do. Like a lot of guys, I just have a hard time getting that connected. I can actually sleep with her in my arms - spoons position, right? Women smile, they love the spoons. Men would rather fork.
dog men shelter
Rescuing dogs is looked upon as a noble, trendy pursuit. But wouldn't rescuing a man from a homeless shelter be, in fact, more humane?
new-york names dumb
My grandfather is from Ireland. His name is Florence McCarthy. He moved to New York in 1920. They used to beat him up because his name was Florence. He had to switch his name to Frank. And then this Christmas, he made an announcement - he goes, 'I'm switching me name back to Florence.' And we beat him up, 'cause it's a dumb name and he's old and weak and it was easy.
guy want ifs
If you want to find guys with small penises, go to the Hummer dealership.
thinking voice boston
There's so many ways to do stand up, and I think, for awhile, people weren't really maximizing the freedom of it. We were all kind of doing a similar kind of stand up, and I started to see some original voices come out of Boston.