Greg Giraldo
Greg Giraldo
Gregory C. "Greg" Giraldowas an American stand-up comedian, television personality, and lawyer. He is remembered for his appearances on Comedy Central's televised roast specials, and for his work on that network's television shows Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn, Lewis Black's Root of All Evil, and the programming block Stand-Up Nation, the last of which he hosted...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth10 December 1965
CityBronx, NY
CountryUnited States of America
If they [peple] really hate you, that means you're doing something right.
If I drive my SUV I'm supporting terrorism. Okay, I'll take a taxi, Is that better?
It's something like 70% of American adults are obese, and the rest of them are women on Ally McBeal.
It's hard to distinguish when I was actually struggling from when I only felt like I was struggling - which was pretty much always.
You're gonna check my computer records? Is that important? I don't think the government needs to know how I feel about teen Asian sluts in order to fight terrorism.
The internet's a creepy thing, especially if you have kids. It says something very creepy about the fact that I use the same machine to masturbate with as I use to teach my kid the alphabet.
George Bush says that gay people getting married would violate the sanctity of marriage. Is anybody here married? Does it feel like a gift from God to you?
Some people are just really goofy kind of guitar acts, and they go out and do these colleges and start making a fortune pretty early on. And other people - I know guys who are great comics, who've done the Letterman show many times, who still barely pay their bills.
The reality is I'm not this person with this driving 'get it done' attitude.
The things that make me laugh are considered smart or whatever, I guess. But stuff that's self-consciously intelligent or self-consciously hip or cool, that doesn't do it for me either. You just try to be funny.
Edible underwear?... even during sex, we can't stop eating.
All the evidence we need that God is angry with us is Justin Timberlake's career.
Americans are not gonna conserve. We're not gonna shift to smaller cars. We can't - we have big, fat kids.
On a day-to-day basis, you get tired of waiting to be accepted. In show business, someone else has to say that you're good or that you're worth going to see or worth taping a show. There's a lot of pain here. There's a lot of pain inside. I'm a sad, crying-on-the-inside kind of clown.