Greg Giraldo
Greg Giraldo
Gregory C. "Greg" Giraldowas an American stand-up comedian, television personality, and lawyer. He is remembered for his appearances on Comedy Central's televised roast specials, and for his work on that network's television shows Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn, Lewis Black's Root of All Evil, and the programming block Stand-Up Nation, the last of which he hosted...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth10 December 1965
CityBronx, NY
CountryUnited States of America
It's hard to distinguish when I was actually struggling from when I only felt like I was struggling - which was pretty much always.
My advice to graduates is to stay positive. Life is short, and you'll be dead soon.
When I heard you could get a disease from playing with your prairie dog, I thought, 'Wow, what a euphemism.' I thought playing with my prairie dog was the best way to avoid diseases.
You're gonna check my computer records? Is that important? I don't think the government needs to know how I feel about teen Asian sluts in order to fight terrorism.
The internet's a creepy thing, especially if you have kids. It says something very creepy about the fact that I use the same machine to masturbate with as I use to teach my kid the alphabet.
How many of you text message? It's a great way of not communicating.
Ice-T is so old that the first thing he bought with the money from his album sales was his freedom.
I like when people give up chocolate for Lent. Ooh, just like being nailed to a cross.
George Bush says that gay people getting married would violate the sanctity of marriage. Is anybody here married? Does it feel like a gift from God to you?
Some people are just really goofy kind of guitar acts, and they go out and do these colleges and start making a fortune pretty early on. And other people - I know guys who are great comics, who've done the Letterman show many times, who still barely pay their bills.
The reality is I'm not this person with this driving 'get it done' attitude.
The only reason we're not in Iran now is because we're going alphabetically and George Bush can't spell.
The things that make me laugh are considered smart or whatever, I guess. But stuff that's self-consciously intelligent or self-consciously hip or cool, that doesn't do it for me either. You just try to be funny.
If you spend five minutes with me or watch me try to balance my checkbook, you can only imagine the disaster I would make of anyone's legal issues.