Jackie Mason
Jackie Mason
Jackie Mason is an American stand-up comedian and film and television actor. He is ranked #63 on Comedy Central's 100 greatest stand-up comedians of all-time...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth9 June 1931
CitySheboygan, WI
CountryUnited States of America
money love-is world-love
Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
grandfather one-day watches
My grandfather always said, Don't watch your money, watch your health. So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.
father successful window
My father was a very successful businessman, but he was ruined in the stock market crash. A big stockbroker jumped out the window and fell on his pushcart.
hands europe cake
When most people return from Europe, they tell tales of all the sites they saw, the shopping, the entertainment, etc. Jews, on the other hand, return and say I had this slice of cake in Austria, let me tell you, I don't know how they make it! It was great!
hate half remember
I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why!
land jerusalem entitled
Everybody knows we're entitled to one Jerusalem. History reveals very simply that this is our land from the days of the Bible.
marriage funny-love cheating
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
want illness queries
It's not a query of staying wholesome. It's a query of discovering a illness you want.
drug want mouths
Would you put a pastrami in your mouth if you didn't want to eat it?
honesty decency
Honesty is nothin' compared to decency.
humility men self
By these things examine thyself. By whose rules am I acting; in whose name; in whose strength; in whose glory? What faith, humility, self-denial, and love of God and to man have there been in all my actions?
differences stories tables
My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience knows they aren't getting any old stories from me.