Jerry Seinfeld
Jerry Seinfeld
Jerome Allen "Jerry" Seinfeld is an American comedian, actor, director, writer, and producer...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth29 April 1954
CityBrooklyn, NY
CountryUnited States of America
funny dog humorous
If aliens are watching us through telescopes, they're going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?
dog money pockets
Dogs have no money. Isn't that amazing? They're broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.
sun looks staring
Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.
nice water surfing
A movie is kind of like being the captain of a ship, which is nice, but when I perform by myself it's just surfing on the water and nobody really knows what happens.
moving funny-relationship florida
My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
wedding men ifs
I was the best man at the wedding... If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?
world feels
In my world, the wronger something feels, the righter it is,
sex funny-relationship men
Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.
inspirational funny hilarious
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
education humor people
I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
growing-up reading men
When men are growing up and they're reading about Batman, Spiderman, Superman ... those are not fantasies ... they're options.
country moving games
To me, a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there is a problem the lawyer is the only person who has read the inside of the top of the box.
good-night coffee sleep
We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.
passionate
You can be passionate about anything.