Famous Quotes & Sayings

Anthony Jeselnik

When I finished high school, I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle.

Ann Brashares

There are two kinds of people in this world. The kind who divide the world into two kinds of people and those who don't.

Ann Brashares

When your about to criticize someone walk a mile in thier shoes, that way when you criticize them you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes

Andy Borowitz

The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.

Andy Borowitz

Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.

Andy Borowitz

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.

Andy Borowitz

Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.

Andy Borowitz

Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.

Andy Borowitz

I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.

Kevin Bardsley

We didn't want them to have to recreate the wheel, ... In our eyes, Garrett saved Brennan's life because of the things that we've learned.

Charles Fillmore

The mind is the seat of perception of the things we see, hear, and feel. It is through the mind that we see the beauties of the earth and sky, or music, of art, in fact, of everything. That silent shuttle of thought working in and out through cell and nerve weaves into one harmonious whole the myriad moods of mind, and we call it life.

Charles Fillmore

Here is a mental treatment guaranteed to cure every ill that flesh is heir to: sit for half an hour every night and mentally forgive everyone against whom you have any ill will or antipathy.

Charles Bukowski

To do a dull thing with style-now that's what I call art.

Charles Bukowski

Boring damned people. All over the earth. Propagating more boring damned people. What a horror show. The earth swarmed with them.

Charles Bukowski

If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose.

Charles Bukowski

Life's as kind as you let it be.

Charles Bukowski

We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.

Charles Bukowski

Some people never go crazy, What truly horrible lives they must live.

Julia Quinn

Nonetheless, I can't help but be flattered that you noticed the latest addition to my collection," he said. She rolled her eyes. "Because personal injuries are such a dignified thing to collect." "Are all governesses so sarcastic?

Molly Ivins

He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.

Kim Harrison

Somehow I found him. Somehow I found Al's sarcastic thoughts, bitter and old. Tired, angry, bored. Alone.

Mark Twain

I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight.

Mark Twain

Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.

Mark Twain

In the real world, nothing happens at the right place at the right time. It is the job of journalists and historians to correct that.

Mark Twain

I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.

Mark Twain

I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.

Mark Twain

In India, 'cold weather' is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.