Related Quotes
funny new-york divorce
Adultery - which is the only grounds for divorce in New York - is not grounds for divorce in California. As a matter of fact, adultery in Southern California is grounds for marriage. Allan Sherman
funny girlfriend humor
My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces. Anthony Jeselnik
funny humor kids
Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital.
funny wall cancer
Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.
funny jesus humor
Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
funny girlfriend couple
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
funny mom couple
My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch "Schindler's List." And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can't believe it only happened once.
funny baby pain
You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub... and you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby.
funny dad father
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
mom real yoga
My mom lived on an ashram on the early eighties. She turned me on to kundalini yoga and chanting and Transcendental Meditation. That was the first time I ever knew real peace. Taylor Dane
mom father teaching
Mom, thank you. Mr. Palmer, my father I never had, thank you for teaching me what it is to be a man. Ray Rice
mom kids working-parents
Parents may be always working, parents may be in and out. When you're dropping them off with coaches, the first thing kids should be coming back and saying is, 'Mom, guess what I learned today? Guess what coach taught me today?' Ray Lewis
mom night tvs
I know my mom said as early as she can remember letting me watch TV, my one treat a week when I was like 6 was to stay up and watch 'Saturday Night Live.' Rashida Jones
mom growing-up teaching
Growing up, I was utterly oblivious to the fact that Mom was teaching me all that. But I was instantly aware of her final lesson, which was hidden in her notes and leters. As I read them I began to understand that in the end you are the only one who can make yourself happy. More important, Mom showed me that it is never too late to find out how to do it. Ruth Reichl
mom hurt children
My children, Michael and Alex, are with our Heavenly Father now, and I know that they will never be hurt again. As a mom, that means more than words could ever say Susan Smith
mom home anxiety
When I left home, I was going to ride around a little while and then go to my mom's. As I rode and rode and rode, I felt even more anxiety coming upon me about not wanting to live
mom children growing-up
I felt I couldn't be a good mom anymore, but I didn't want my children to grow up without a mom. I felt I had to end our lives to protect us from any grief or harm
mom trying news
Maybe I'm wrong," Mom said. "Maybe the world really is coming to an end." "Should I try Fox News?" I asked. Mom shuddered. "We're not that desperate," she said. Susan Beth Pfeffer
couple early good next numbers par similar
The day started out kind of bland, then I made a couple of good par putts early and got things going, ... You always feel good when you play like this. I'm going to have to put up some similar numbers the next two days. Bruce Summerhays
couple voice hip-hop
Hip-hop is the streets. Hip-hop is a couple of elements that it comes from back in the days... that feel of music with urgency that speaks to you. It speaks to your livelihood and it's not compromised. It's blunt. It's raw, straight off the street - from the beat to the voice to the words. Nas
couple hard plays point ran tried trusted
He tried hard and ran hard. There were a couple of plays where I thought he should have trusted the point of attack. Joe Glenn
couple character writing
I'll generally write out every scene that's in the film on a couple of pieces of paper, just with a little one-line. And then I can scan it a bit and go, 'This first third of the film, generally, I'm kind of calm.' Then I might do something on one piece of paper that just relates to the energy of the character. Guy Pearce
couple expanding hard stuff tries
He's expanding his game. He's been working hard in practice. He tries stuff he's not been able to do in a couple years. James Augustine
couple emotional great poorly realize weeks
I don't know if it's emotional but I will realize if we play great or poorly that there is only a couple of weeks left.
couple love supposed
I don't know if you're supposed to love your coach. Right now I love him, but we'll see in a couple weeks.
couple focused music
I didn't do music for a couple of years; I just focused on other things. Bill Wyman
couple player years
I want to keep growing. I should take a couple steps every year if I want to be one of the best players in the league. Ilya Kovalchuk