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funny wall cancer
Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer. Anthony Jeselnik
funny girlfriend couple
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
funny dad father
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
funny mom brother
When I finished high school, I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle.
funny blessed dental
Blessed are they who hold lively conversations with the helplessly mute, for they shall be called dentists. Ann Landers
funny motivational hilarious
Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.
funny children talking
If you want your children to listen, try talking softly - to someone else.
funny hilarious party
At every party there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.
funny friends country
One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your three closes friends; if they seem OK, then you're the one.
girlfriend three reason-why
In any relationship that comes to an end, there's never just a baseline reason why. You say, 'Oh, I broke up with my girlfriend.' Someone says, 'Why?' You say, 'Well, you got three hours? And then maybe after I tell you my version, you've got to talk to her. Michael Rapaport
girlfriend last lost straw
I think when he lost his girlfriend that that was the last straw for him. She was his everything. Willie Smith
couple early good next numbers par similar
The day started out kind of bland, then I made a couple of good par putts early and got things going, ... You always feel good when you play like this. I'm going to have to put up some similar numbers the next two days. Bruce Summerhays
couple voice hip-hop
Hip-hop is the streets. Hip-hop is a couple of elements that it comes from back in the days... that feel of music with urgency that speaks to you. It speaks to your livelihood and it's not compromised. It's blunt. It's raw, straight off the street - from the beat to the voice to the words. Nas
couple hard plays point ran tried trusted
He tried hard and ran hard. There were a couple of plays where I thought he should have trusted the point of attack. Joe Glenn
couple emotional great poorly realize weeks
I don't know if it's emotional but I will realize if we play great or poorly that there is only a couple of weeks left.
couple love supposed
I don't know if you're supposed to love your coach. Right now I love him, but we'll see in a couple weeks.
couple good hard hard-work last life
My life has been very good the last couple of years. I'm very comfortable, and this is really hard work, Martina Hingis
couple four guys obviously three trying
Obviously we have a couple of guys who aren't here yet so someone has to take their innings. I'm just trying to get the feel of going three or four innings.
couple next
That could be you in the next couple of years, Jay Harris
couple hopefully next players six
We need all six players to play solid, ... Hopefully we'll get everyone here doing that in the next couple of weeks.