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funny wall cancer
Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer. Anthony Jeselnik
funny girlfriend couple
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
funny dad father
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
funny mom brother
When I finished high school, I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle.
funny blessed dental
Blessed are they who hold lively conversations with the helplessly mute, for they shall be called dentists. Ann Landers
funny motivational hilarious
Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.
funny children talking
If you want your children to listen, try talking softly - to someone else.
funny hilarious party
At every party there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.
funny friends country
One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your three closes friends; if they seem OK, then you're the one.
motivational mistake sitting
The individual who is mistake-free is also probably sitting around doing nothing. And that is a very big mistake. John Wooden
motivational spiritual appreciation
When practiced to its fullest, mindful eating turns a simple meal into a spiritual experience, giving us a deep appreciation of all that went into the meal's creation as well a deep understanding of the relationship between the food on our table, our own health, and our planet's health. Nhat Hanh
motivational running baseball
You start chasing a ball and your brain immediately commands your body to 'Run forward, bend, scoop up the ball, peg it to the infield,' then your body says, 'Who me?' Joe DiMaggio
motivational prayer thinking
Prayer is not asking for what you think you want, but asking to be changed in ways you can't imagine. Kathleen Norris
motivational dance song
Dance is a song of the body. Either of joy or pain. Martha Graham
motivational dream pride
I've got hope, I've got dreams and I have aspirations. I don't need to climb mountains; I don't need to build nations. What I do need is the courage to look deep inside, Cos I'm me and from me I know I can't hide. I don't wish to fly, I'm quite happy to glide. I am who I am and I'll be me with pride. Patrick Kelly
motivational stronger titles
There are younger, stronger swimmers coming up and they are hungry. I can't influence what they do, I only know what I can do and I know how greedy I am to defend my title. Kirsty Coventry
motivational positive pain
Do something everyday that you don't want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain. Mark Twain
motivational cute truth
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.